I gave myself permission to be happy again.

[greg winick]

I went about my life, but I started to fall back into negative, mind-created stories. Even when everything was good, and no surgeries were scheduled in the immediate future, my mind gravitated toward doom.
I was smart, so I knew that it would be foolish to think that these surgeries were done. I would hear other people talk about their future and their extravagant plans for ten years from now and retirement, and I would get disturbed. I didn’t want to think about the future ever, especially many years into the future. My mind told me I could never make any plans too far in advance. I never booked vacations more than a few weeks ahead of time, because who knew if a surgery would be needed, and we would lose our deposits if we couldn’t go. Any time a thought crept in about Jesse’s possible future needs, I would find myself in a panic, and I did anything I could to put it out of my mind. My mind pushed back.
Teaching school was a good distraction, but since getting tenure and getting comfortable in the classroom, even my job became second nature. To fill the void, my mind tried to solve the problems with my family, but those problems could only be solved when they came up. My mind didn’t know that, so it would always say, “Think about those problems. You are not being responsible if you don’t.” I needed to find peace.
I had taken several courses and seminars that were designed to make me an enlightened thinker, but obviously, I wasn’t enlightened enough. I started reading every book I could find on enlightenment. I read all the Deepak Choprah books. I read all the books from Carlos Castaneda, Dan Millman, and any other New Age author that I could find. I read books like A Course in Miracles, Conversations with God, and The Four Agreements. I read about the Dalai Lama and the Buddha. I am not a Christian, but I read many interpretations of the teachings of Jesus. I loved Eckhart Tolle’s concepts on the mind and its stories. I even went to see Tolle live in the city one night. I listened to audiotapes from him and dozens of others constantly in my car. I was on a relentless search for truth and interpretations about what is so in this world.
I took seminars given by the Landmark Forum, and I took their weekend course called the Advanced Course, which was the continuation of the course I had taken many years earlier. During that course, I spent a weekend doing intense self-analysis, and faced all of my worst fears head on. I was able to see how everyone is world is similar to me, and that I was not alone in my suffering. I met many others who had created the same kind of suffering but used different stories to get there.
I created a story about myself that I was an expert on the subject of enlightened thinking. I was able to achieve a kind of inner peace that I had never known before. The problems in my life were unavoidable, but the suffering I had endured was unnecessary. I gave myself permission to be happy again.

[Kitty Foyle]

This book, which I read many years ago, made a huge impression on me:

http://www.ananda.org/inspiration/books/ay/

Have you checked it out, greg?

*_*

[greg winick]

Looks like a book I would love. I'm picking it up tomorrow.

Thanks Kitty

[Frank Baron]

Happy is good.

[John Oberon]

I am not a Christian, but I read many interpretations of the teachings of Jesus.

Try reading the teachings themselves. Jesus was pretty darn clear, often giving the interpretation of His parables. Not tons of interpretation required, unless you're trying to get a meaning other than what He plainly says.

[greg winick]

Everything is an interpretation John. I think you would say he plainly says one thing and I would say he meant something else. Whoever can get the most agreement about who is right would claim to be right.

[John Oberon]

Or...you could ask the SOT.

[Kitty Foyle]

Or...you could ask the SOT.

Now now!

*_*

[Liza B.]

Or...you could ask the SOT.

You bumped an old thread just to post something nasty and name-call?

Not very Christ-like.

[greg winick]

What the heck is the SOT?