Let's see....we just spent four paragraphs in this MC's mind with no jumping to a different time or place, and you think this sentence, another thought from the MC's mind, is a clear and literal jump in time. And you think this after the tense switches from past to present and back again several times. Somehow, you think that because a character starts thinking about a different time or place, it indicates a literal transition to another physical time or place. Odd I've never seen anyone practice this unusual skill in my life. Perhaps the MC lives in a world where people can mentally teleport themselves to different times and places, but I think not. This piece doesn't strike me as fantasy or science fiction.
Originally Posted by jayce
Sorry. At some time, the MC has to physically go to his room, not just think about it. Or, he can think about it and still be in the convenience store or some other location that he physically travels to. One or the other. And it needn't be intrusive. It can be as simple as "I went home after work."
Last edited by John Oberon; 12-12-2011 at 04:02 AM.