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Thread: Appetite

  1. #1
    Amy Lou
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    Appetite

    Come have brunch in my cafe on a Sunday afternoon.
    You won't need a knife, a fork, or a spoon.
    Get cozy in my booth, have your fill.
    By the way, I'm picking up the bill.

    I recommend the buffet,
    It's all you can eat, unlimited visits
    and I won't make you get a new plate.
    Because I'm your dish, my curves, the meal.
    What's that you say?
    You want to see the buffet?

    Well, there's me, sunny side up
    and a pair of pink berries
    atop two mounds of crumpets.
    I have a warm muffin just from the oven
    and plenty of cream if you please.

    I'll butter your bread, toast your tea cakes,
    french your toast and fry your croquettes.
    Please don't rush, you can stay all day.
    Take your time when you brunch,
    you're the only customer I want.



  2. #2
    Senior Member C Bets's Avatar
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    Jun 2005
    Posts
    1,265
    Whoa!! Great play on the scene!! If I were a man, I'd make reservations!
    Cindy

    And be at peace... the universe is unfolding as it should

  3. #3
    Amy Lou
    Guest
    LOL Thanks girl, this one was fun to write! I posted it to offset the dying one! LOL Glad you would want reservations!

  4. #4
    Senior Member Miranda Clementine's Avatar
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    Feb 2011
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    California
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    Yes, it is a nice pick-me-up after the dying one... lol I'm smiling again.
    Even those who make their living in dreamland must do their chores in the real world.
    -Scarlett Rice
    MC

  5. #5
    Amy Lou
    Guest

  6. #6
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    Aug 2010
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    Columbus, Ohio
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    I thought it was very good indeed. There were just two things that bothered me. First, the title. I think it needs a title more in line with the playful wit of the poem. "Appetite" sounds almost clinical.

    Second was this part:

    It's all you can eat, unlimited visits
    and I won't make you get a new plate.
    Because I'm your dish, my curves, the meal.

    "All you can eat" and "unlimited visits" is redundant. "Make you get" is very weak. The period after "plate" is incorrect. I think the second line should mimic the first verse. I'd change it to something like this:

    It's all you can eat.
    You won't need a new plate between visits,
    Because I'm your dish, my curves, the meal.

    Other than that, I thought it very good and clever. Great metaphor. Lucky the man who receives that poem.

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