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Thread: Circumference

  1. 10-09-2011 01:18 AM #1
    martin shaw
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    Circumference

    Had a bonfire
    Burnt some nappies
    Died of carbon monoxide poisoning.

    In a womb
    Sucking plasma
    Re-born

    Smack!
    Wail!!

    Creaking plastic pram
    Toddler
    Pats on head

    Girls at school
    Girls in magazines
    Girls in bed.

    Work
    Drunk
    Fight

    Drunk
    Fight
    Work

    Wife
    Pussy
    Dog
    Babies

    Work

    Mistress
    Pussy
    Flat

    Fight
    Lonely
    Park bench

    Meth’s
    Brown paper bags
    Park bench

    Meth’s
    Brown paper bags
    Park bench

    Red nose
    Eyes
    Cheeks

    Police
    cunnt
    Four walls and no door handle

    Suicide awareness
    Rope
    Suicide awareness

    Better
    Release
    Old car

    Forest
    Track
    Drive

    Rickety shack
    Hose pipe
    Vroom- vroom

    Back to the second stanza
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  2. 10-09-2011 01:28 AM #2
    Amy Lou
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    Yeah! Awesomeness, I'll be back..... promise
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  3. 10-09-2011 05:13 AM #3
    Kitty Foyle
    Kitty Foyle is offline
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    And so it goes, Martin. Over and over and over until we finally get it right.

    Unless we choose NOT to incarnate. We can go that route too.

    *_*
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  4. 10-09-2011 11:38 AM #4
    martin shaw
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    Yeah Kitty, Amen.

    Did a lesbian write that? Ay? Men?

    Not that you are, but if I was a woman I would be.

    Anyway, you naughty Indian lady... be well and thanks
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  5. 10-10-2011 08:28 AM #5
    Amy Lou
    Guest
    This is so organic and stripped down,it cuts and makes me feel. That's great! I love the title, so appropriate and catches my attention right away. The way you have the N stuck in some sort of loop is a great metaphor so many can relate. Doesn't life often feel this way? It's shocking how you sum up creation, existence and death with such short, broke yet complete thoughts. There's so much to life yet you have it all right here in so few words. Says a lot without much, I guess. Some sublte rhyming patters as well. Also the repetition of stanzas is so affective, it drives this piece home! It's very very good.

    These are some of my favorite lines:
    In a womb
    Sucking plasma
    Re-born

    Girls at school
    Girls in magazines
    Girls in bed.

    Work
    Drunk
    Fight

    Drunk
    Fight
    Work

    Wife
    Pussy
    Dog
    Babies



    This is the only one that went over my head, I couldn't connect with it. I'm sure it's just me though
    Forest
    Track
    Drive
    Last edited by Amy Lou; 10-10-2011 at 08:41 AM.
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  6. 10-10-2011 11:11 AM #6
    martin shaw
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    hey good point, amy. Thanks for the work again
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  7. 10-10-2011 12:09 PM #7
    Amy Lou
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    Quote Originally Posted by martin shaw View Post
    hey good point, amy. Thanks for the work again
    which point? I made several, you know? LOL
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  8. 10-10-2011 12:14 PM #8
    martin shaw
    Guest
    Oh sorry. the one that didn't work
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  9. 10-10-2011 12:21 PM #9
    Amy Lou
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    no prob
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