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  1. #1
    martin shaw
    Guest

    My name is Gonzo. Please critique, but go to hell if you pick me up on anything!

    Stayed in a red light hotel
    full of Russian beauties,
    got nightmare flashbacks.

    They made me into a hotel
    in my mind.
    I became, Russian doll...
    in a hallway
    then dark room,
    and up a Rambo tunnel.

    The receptionist painted me
    as beef jerky,
    before calling to her friend
    who came waltzin’ in,
    dreary and blacked eyed,
    or black eyed and dreary?
    Whatever turns you on?
    Me on?

    Was she beautiful?
    no
    Available?
    yes
    like outa’ date meat at Asda.

    She says:
    if ya wan me bush,
    you can have me bush,
    so if ya wan my bush,
    you can avoid the rush.

    I say:
    OK, I’ll steal your virginity from ten minutes ago.

    The receptionist held her hand out. ‘Right, that’ll be a monkey riding bareback on a magic carpet, please.’
    Eh?
    It’s a tenner for the full shebang! Grease my palm baby, with your sweaty wrinkled notes
    (rustle)
    OK, there ya go

    So I had the bush
    to avoid the rush
    and got lost in a wilderness
    shooting koala bears
    up a burning, burning tree.

    A week later
    I bought in the VD contractors
    to sandblast the ol’ scaffold tubes.

    nice



  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    268
    I found a couple of excellent lines in a couple of your poems.

    I find your poems, mostly, nothing I want a mental picture of. You're fixated on sex and body parts.

    The title of this thread is how you roll. You push too far.

    Just my opinion. Good luck.

  3. #3
    martin shaw
    Guest
    Put my stuff on your top shelf with the other revelations of sauciness and Bret Easton Ellis type revelations over the years

    There are moths up there to keep em’ company. They quest for the light and report back to me with insect flutters in Morse-code.

    “Martin,” they say, a fluttering. 'Enid Blyton had a sex life.'

    Thank-you Claire

  4. #4
    Amy Lou
    Guest
    The title of this thread is how you roll. You push too far
    Claire~I respectfully disagree (hope you don't mind) I feel the minute you stop pushing too far you become stale, insignificant, boring.

    I understand not liking the direction Martin pushes in this piece, but you can count on the writing to be different. I can vouch, not all his pieces have to do with sex and body parts. LOL His influence to push the limits reflects in my own writing. But I guess we all have different opinions on what's pushing too far and what we like to read

    There are some entertaining lines and thoughts in this work, as usual. Like the images of the lustful receptionist painting the N as beef jerky, the haggard friend who comes waltzin' in, dreary and blacked eyed, or black eyed and dreary. I like they way you switch those lines around.
    like outa’ date meat at Asda. (like this line too)

    if ya wan me bush,
    you can have me bush,
    so if ya wan my bush, (should you use me here instead of my?)
    you can avoid the rush.

    OK, I’ll steal your virginity from ten minutes ago. (interesting idea, still thinking about this)


    I bought in the VD contractors (should this be brought?)
    to sandblast the ol’ scaffold tubes.(just me, but don't understand scaffold tubes?) LOL
    Last edited by Amy Lou; 10-11-2011 at 06:37 AM.

  5. #5
    Robin Teeter
    Guest
    Most of what Martin posts is sexual inuendo. This is nothing unusual. Incoherent gibberish is what Martin excels at. Calling this a poem is an insult to poets and poetry.

  6. #6
    Debbi Voisey
    Guest
    Scaffold tubes are the tubes inside the penis, that make it stand erect.

    I am assuming. Because I agree, most, if not all, of what Martin posts is about sex and penises and vaginas. I am not criticising this, just stating a fact. And who knows why he is so obsessed with it.

    I find he has a contempt and disgust for women, that comes across big time in most of the things I have read that Martin has written. Maybe even a disgust for himself.

    Sorry Martin - you write to provoke a reaction and this is mine. Like I said: not criticising. Just commenting.

    Your stuff is definitely not for me, but I know you normally post respectfully in response to others' work, and this is what this forum is all about. That, and to spark debate about our writing.

  7. #7
    Amy Lou
    Guest
    Scaffold tubes are the tubes inside the penis, that make it stand erect.
    Well, I truly did not know that. I knew it had something to do with the idea, but couldn't understand why it was plural. Thanks Debbie.

    Not sure why, but I don't find this piece disgusting or degrading to women, just a silly, entertaining tale is all I see. And don't anyone say it's because Martin wrote it, I've told him plenty of times when I didn't like something of his We all have deep insecurities, pain and past disappointments that we tap into (if we're open to seeing them) and it reflects in our work. I don't see it as a bad thing.

    But I believe difference in opinions is great. To each their own! LOL
    Last edited by Amy Lou; 10-11-2011 at 07:22 AM.

  8. #8
    Debbi Voisey
    Guest
    I agree Amy Lou I was not saying that it was a bad thing - to have insecurities and dislikes etc. And I don't even know that that is true. It is just not something I like to read. Each to his own.

    Because to me the flow of Martin's words is not right, I can never critique it. It just leaves me cold. Another person might well think that about my writing. No one is right and no one is wrong in this, because our tastes are as diverse as we are.

    Anyhoo.... I feel like we are talking about Martin as if he is not here, LOL, since it was he who started this thread.

    Sorry, Martin.

  9. #9
    Debbi Voisey
    Guest
    Oh, and BTW, the way you responded to my scaffold tubes definition leads me to believe you think that is the "official" name for them/that. LOL.... it is not, as far as I am aware. I was just trying to explain what I *thought* Martin meant. That is what he conjured up for me with those words.

  10. #10
    Amy Lou
    Guest
    Well said Debbie, I get it.

    I'm sure he'll chime in later! LOL
    Last edited by Amy Lou; 10-11-2011 at 07:59 AM.

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