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Thread: Helium Luv

  1. #1
    Amy Lou
    Guest

    Helium Luv

    Helium Luv

    YOU
    give me balloons
    helium luv
    red ones
    yellow ones
    blue ones, your eyes
    balloons filled
    with passionate fvcks
    promises of play
    appetite for me
    sideways
    thoughts of pleasing
    me
    every way
    I LOVE those balloons
    those fvcking
    rainbow balloons
    catching childish princess dreams
    curly ribbon
    twirling between
    fingers
    holding on
    to helium dreams
    requiem escapades
    throbbing
    in the abyss
    reserved for you

    Back to your balloons
    I hold on
    soar
    above zombies
    out of reach
    from crispy fingers
    empty pits
    dusty bellies
    sockets wormy
    breath of death seeping
    between
    blood coffee teeth
    zombies
    want to smother dreams
    thankful
    you won't allow them
    protect me
    I believe
    you would kill for me
    appeal to these
    permanent needs
    stitched
    to the outside
    of me
    I hold on
    knuckles ashen
    fingers red grasping
    at string to leave
    everything
    for a ride

    You desire to go higher
    over peaks
    hollows
    across the deep
    I want to follow
    terrified heights
    frighten
    the instant you sense
    hesitation
    I'm a burden
    to heavy to carry
    over zombie terrain
    you tug
    the ribbon
    wound around fingers
    desperate to be free
    but
    I'll never let go
    never believe
    you would sever
    string
    linking me
    to your rainbow balloons

    But you do
    a blade of silences
    cuts ribbon
    snips a bit
    of my orgasm finger
    I bleed
    silence breaks
    I drift away
    you admit
    your balloons never trusted
    me
    not to pop them
    I have no needles
    my tears
    scream
    you swear I hide one
    in a dress
    with no pockets
    you say your balloons
    never held
    promises
    could never be content
    soaring above
    zombies


    Red clay now stains
    my pocketless
    dress
    this simi-virgin heart
    won't come clean
    in the wash
    I wallow there
    a week or three
    holding curly ribbon
    attached to nothing
    realizing
    you're not returning
    starving zombies
    my new
    company

    I walk not soar
    one of them
    flaking skin
    cataract lens
    under
    shriveled lids
    no organ thumping
    pumping blood
    to your favorite place
    wrapped in gauze
    stiff legs
    marching
    carrying me
    through mundane carpool
    grocery shopping
    zero mile
    runs


    I catch a glimpse
    of your
    rainbow balloons
    tied with new
    curly ribbon, relieved
    no one holds them
    thankful for
    the ride once taken
    and
    if I'm lucky
    you'll hover
    close
    twirl around fingers
    knowing
    understanding
    it's what I need
    to go on pretending
    and
    just when
    my grasp tightens
    you'll slip away
    drift above
    your silent way
    letting me
    know
    even though
    LOVE
    became too heavy
    you're always watching
    over
    Last edited by Amy Lou; 10-07-2011 at 07:11 PM.



  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    1,142
    Cool. Way.

  3. #3
    Amy Lou
    Guest
    You like?
    Happy. Cool.

    Thanks for reading, Jayce!
    Last edited by Amy Lou; 10-07-2011 at 07:56 PM.

  4. #4
    martin shaw
    Guest
    It is longer than long, Repunzel, or is it your hair.

    It looks like you have pulled this out, spitting and kicking. You need to split it in two? There is a lot to work on here, in a good way: to set this in stone.

    You must. You must. You must improve your bust
    Last edited by martin shaw; 10-07-2011 at 11:38 PM.

  5. #5
    Amy Lou
    Guest
    It's my hair, and I've let it down. Won't you climb up it and rescue me?
    And any suggestions on how to improve that bust, I'm all ears.
    Okay it might run on too long but if I cut it, my hair will lose it's healing powers.
    Seriously, I don't know where to edit.
    Thanks for the minute

  6. #6
    martin shaw
    Guest
    Another minute.

    You gimmee balloons
    from helium love
    red
    yellow
    and blue like your eyes

    They're ladened with passion
    the high octave of desire

  7. #7
    martin shaw
    Guest
    Another minute.

    You gimmee balloons
    from helium love
    red
    yellow
    and blue like your eyes

    They're ladened with passion
    the high octave of desire

    or, a high octave desire

  8. #8
    Amy Lou
    Guest
    Is this an example of how I should rewrite it?
    You took out passionate fvcks, my favorite line!!!
    This Repunzel is confused
    Explain yourself prince! But only when you find that minute.
    I'm going to take another nap lol
    Last edited by Amy Lou; 10-08-2011 at 12:42 AM.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Miranda Clementine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    California
    Posts
    847
    Deep. Sad. Could be shortened, but I didn't stop reading, so?

    Up there (sorry on my phone), it should read "I'm a burden too heavy to carry"

    When you said my tears scream I read it tears (like you're crying) but I think you mean tears (like cuts). I think you should find a different word for tears, it stopped me both times I read it.

    Also, I don't get semi-virgin, is it needed?

    Good stuff, Amy!!
    Even those who make their living in dreamland must do their chores in the real world.
    -Scarlett Rice
    MC

  10. #10
    Amy Lou
    Guest
    Hey girl!!! Thanks for stoping by and reading my work. I'm glad you're on here and I can trust you!!! You've been a good friend!!

    Thanks for your comments on this. Yeah, I suppose it's on the long side, but us girls are chatty, there's a lot to say and get out! I even cut away some of it already. Thanks for the correction with too! I missed it! ARG. I did intend for it to be tears as in crying, so you did read it correct, but it sounds like it's confusing so I'll change it. Also, semi-virgin, I get, but sounds like the reader will not. Thanks for pointing that out.

    I'm really happy you found it to be deep and sad, and that you enjoyed reading it. It's fun to write pieces like this, it's like purging!! LOL
    Join us in the poetry forum, post some of your work!!
    Miss you and our catch up emails. One of these day's I'm writing you a long one, so get ready
    Amy

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