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  1. #1
    Amy Lou
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    Candy Apples and Protein

    I've been working on some flash fiction once again to help with my writing. I would love to know what you guys think of this little ditty.


    Candy Apples and Protein

    I stand on all fours, stovepipe legs holding me steady. My tail swings in the air-conditioned breeze, and that candy apple red guitar hanging above, was made for me. Oh, how I would love to play one, but I've got no thumbs. Surely they've had other elephants wanting to learn.

    I’d reach for it, but it’s too high. There's a step stool handy, but I don't dare try, not steady enough to hold an elephant my size. I'll ask someone.

    I spot a sales clerk. She sure is pretty, and ponytail envy consumes me. I've got a few straggly hairs atop my head, looks like thread when joined together by a rubber band. I wish I could wear heels like that and had calves to flex.

    "Excuse me, Miss." I say.

    "Yes. How can I help you today?" She meets my gaze.

    "May I see that guitar, please? The red one."

    "You want to see a guitar?"

    "Yes, the shiny red one. It's perfect for me." She looks disgusted when I reach up with my trunk to the guitar I want.

    "But you're an eleph, I mean, you've got no thumbs."

    "Yes, ma'am, I'm aware. But don't you think I could learn? Surely you've had customers with no thumbs." I ask while she perches on the stool I was afraid of.

    "Actually, we haven't, you're the first eleph, I mean customer with no thumbs. And lessons are very expensive. You probably can't afford them. Will you excuse me for a moment?" She hops from the step stool and lays the guitar in my trunk.

    I see my reflection in the polyurethane glaze, and daydream about being a rock star on stage, like that badass chick from The Bangles. What was her name? Susanna Hoffs.

    That's it, I'm getting it, I'll just cut back on peanuts to afford it. Satisfied with elephant logic, I swirl my trunk around the neck and trot to the front desk. Sheets of music flutter through the air, as I stroll down the isle. I don't bother picking them up.

    I'm first in line. The man behind the counter wears a tag that reads Larry, Store Manager and pleated front khakis cinched tight with a braided belt. His beady eyes are judging; he's not accustomed to elephants browsing. I dream of killing him, squashing him with my rear end. He looks at me like I'm an animal, and too grotesque to enjoy the sounds of a band.

    "Yes, what do you need?" Curt is he, while one lazy eye spies the miniature lady behind me with perky titties.

    "I'd like to buy this guitar, and find out about lessons. Like how much they cost, and how often they are."

    "This guitar? And how much lessons are? Ma'am we don't give lessons to eleph, I mean, all of our teachers are booked solid, and this guitar is not for sale today. You've got no thumbs anyway. I think you should leave." He snatches the guitar away from me.

    Never being one to cause a ruckus, I don't fuss. I can't go back to the circus, I just can't! So, I leave the store with my trunk dragging the floor. My tail no longer swings in the breeze, only sways as I teeter away.

    At home watching television that afternoon, I'm captivated by an exercise regimen, promising toned bums, rippling abs, and thumbs. Thumbs Insanity, I order my copy, unhappy being the fat nappy headed elephant that no one sees.

    Three months pass and I'm eating more protein and less carbs. Even learned how to jog on all fours, damn that was hard.

    I return to the music store on a breezy day in September, transformed with thumbs, a toned bum and my own set of perky tits. I march back to the guitar section, climb the stool wearing pumps, my calves flexing. I see the candy apple red guitar and take it down with ease. And when I walk by the sheet music a breeze no longer makes them flutter.

    "I'd like to buy this." I say.

    The manager who was rude before stands behind the counter, but when he looks at me today, it's in a different way. Ideas swirl around in his head, ideas of a romp in a room with a bed, or no bed at all, just a room. Desiring to do things I've never had done. But he treated me like **** before, when I was but an elephant girl, 300 pounds and 5 feet tall.

    When he rings me up this time, he's giddy, pleased to have me in his company, hiding something in pleated khakis.

    "Did you find everything you need? You know we offer ten free lessons with the purchase of one of these."

    "You do?" I'm being treated so nice. "I asked about them a different day, but you probably don't remember."

    "I'd remember you, I'm certain of that. How about my employee discount on this candy apple red one?"

    "You'd do that for me?"

    "Anything for you. Hey, it's three o'clock now, but I get off at six. Would you consider dinner together?"

    Well, I am starving, and he sure seems sweet. Plus, he's giving me the time of day, "it's three o'clock,” he says. Maybe when I was an elephant he didn't own a watch.

    "I'd like that." I answer. We exchange numbers and directions to my house.

    He picks me up at seven o'clock. I still have the appetite of an elephant, and it turns out I'm allowed to eat Larry on my high protein diet.



  2. #2
    Robin Teeter
    Guest
    The Isle of Larry is empty; may he and others of his ilk be villified and exiled. I love your whimsical approach to making lemonade with metaphores.

  3. #3
    Senior Member C Bets's Avatar
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    THAT was adorable, AL. Aside from a couple of insignificants, I just loved it! Very clever.
    Cindy

    And be at peace... the universe is unfolding as it should

  4. #4
    Amy Lou
    Guest
    do tell what the insigns are if you have the time. I just can't find them anymore! LOL
    Thanks to you both for reading this, I'm happy you liked it!

  5. #5
    Senior Member C Bets's Avatar
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    ...guitar hanging above, (no comma) was made for me

    ...we haven't. period You're the first eleph...

    That's it, I'm getting it,... Actually, I'd make these two separate sentences. Perhaps it's acceptable like this, not sure right now. You know how things start to look wierd after a while?

    Oh, oh. Must get back to work. That's as far as I got.
    Cindy

    And be at peace... the universe is unfolding as it should

  6. #6
    Amy Lou
    Guest
    Your the best C~Bets! Thanks so much, I so insecure about commas
    I appreciate it!

  7. #7
    Senior Member
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    Your the best

    EXCUSE ME?

    (Taps fingernails on desk)
    Last edited by leslee; 09-01-2011 at 10:13 AM.

  8. #8
    Senior Member C Bets's Avatar
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    OH Oh. Someone's in trouble now.
    Cindy

    And be at peace... the universe is unfolding as it should

  9. #9
    Amy Lou
    Guest
    GOSH DAM IT!!! What is it with me and yours!!!! Just think how many times I made that mistake before you came along. All the time probably LOL Sorry leslee, I hope it gave you a good laugh.

  10. #10
    Senior Member
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    I wouldn't have mentioned it, but you did tell me to let you know when I saw one.

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