Tinman- thank you for the crit. I have had trouble with that sentence and have changed it many times, looks like another try is in the works... lol About the rose part, and perhaps you can offer me some insight, but at the opening of the scene, he is remembering past affairs, with a woman he has loved and adored since high school. Once he sees whats going on inside the bedroom, he snaps. What I would like to know is, did it work for you before you got to the part were he snaps? Sorry, but my lingo on what man calls a woman's "rose" is limited... lol
Amy- thanks, can't wait. (:
Claire- I'm not sure what steamy fiction publishers or readers expect. I don't think this would be considered steamy fiction, I think they expect more detail than this. I did want to titillate a little but overall, this was only about the point at which the guy snaps and why. Also, "Mud slows its escape..." I first wrote it "Mud has slowed it's escape..." It just meant that he had been standing in the mug for a little while. This was my thinking... When you first step into mud, it sloshes through the tread of a boot, when you stand there for a little bit, the mud still squishes out the sides from underneath but at a slower speed than when it was first stepped on, before ultimately settling. But it's cool, thank you for your perspective. (:
Diane- I'm glad you like it, thank you for letting me know!
leslee- Sorry it's too long... I did part it out. (: But I understand, thank you for clicking.
David- You totally got me!!! I don't know if you know how happy that makes me. I know the others grasped it (and I'm so happy they did), but your words tell me you totally got it. Thank you for commenting. And just a little FYI. I was only planning on this being a short story, but now I have so many ideas about what happens next that I just might expand on it. In my original story, he didn't get a chance to kill himself, I wasn't sure who, but someone stopped him before he could do it. Once I figured out it would be the daughter, I had to think of their relationship and how she would react, how he would react in his deranged frame of mind (because he had no intentions of killing his wife when he stopped by to get something from the garage)... so anyways, there you have it. Thank you!
Shaun- I'm glad you liked it. And yes, the opinion of "just" a reader matters greatly. As Tinman said once "if you can read, I can learn from you." Or some such like that. (: And the CYLINDER!!! Thank you, I couldn't think of what it was called, and didn't want to ask my hubs... lol You "chamber" the rounds, duh. Thank you. As for "delicate," I was thinking of using "precious" but then I kept thinking of hobbits, I didn't want my reader thinking about hobbits... lol but perhaps, after your illuminating comments on the subject, perhaps I will run the risk of the ring. (: Love your new pic BTW, too cute! and still miss your old [smilies]
Thank you all again.