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  1. #41
    Shaun .
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    Amy - You know I'm no pro, but consider reconsidering.



  2. #42
    Amy Lou
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shaun Wilson View Post
    Amy - You know I'm no pro, but consider reconsidering.
    the g's ? leavin' em out?

  3. #43
    Shaun .
    Guest
    Amy - I think, in dialog, the dropped Gs are true to the characters. We know your MC is an expelled student with no intentions of going back. She may not be stupid, but she is undereducated. How and where she's raised is an important part in building your character. With proper dialog from this character, you'll only flatten her out. I don't think what you have will distract a reader. I'd find a proper voice from your MC's dropout lips much more jarring.

    Just my opinion, but I love seeing how other writers use dialog to breath life into their characters and you do it so well.

    Oh, I just spotted a contradiction. Something about, Got expelled and I ain't goin back. Then, several paragraphs down, she's talking about getting her GED. Maybe you could tweek the first to say she doesn't want to go back to that particular school.
    Last edited by Shaun .; 06-29-2011 at 07:09 PM.

  4. #44
    Senior Member Cheryl Morton's Avatar
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    I don't see a contradiction. If she was talking about graduating it would be contradictory, but a GED is what a person gets when they don't go back to school.

    Cheryl

  5. #45
    Shaun .
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    Cheryl - I'm probably wrong, but I view places like Everest, Job Corp, down to local community colleges that offer night classes (night classes being what Amy's MC is interested in) for GEDs and/or adult education diplomas as schools.

  6. #46
    Belinda T.
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    It's more authentic when your characters' dialect synchronizes with their IQs. Obviously, there are exceptions. I've heard some affluent people talk like baboons after consuming a few drinks. And their behaviors are modified to those of a kindergart'ner.

    Seriously, though. You've made your characters' dialog real. I can relate. That's what will draw in your readers.

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by ******* t. View Post
    i've heard some affluent people talk like baboons after consuming a few drinks.
    you promised you wouldn't tell!

  8. #48
    Amy Lou
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    Hey guys, shaun, cheryl, ******* - you bring up some great points and have given me so much to consider for character development and making her more realistic. I get what you're saying about the GED thing, but also not wanting to go back to high school and making that more consistent with this character. So thank you again for pushing me to think and develop richer characters for this piece. Now once I get some solitude again, maybe I can work on it - no time to write this week : )
    And Jena - you're just hilarious.

  9. #49
    Senior Member
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    It was really the non-dialogue dropped g's that I wondered about. If she were writing in a journal, would she write (something such as): She's always worryin' about me, or I was lettin', or he's always pushin' me? Or would she write the actual word without dropped g's? Your dropped g's are true to the character and I like that Southern voice myself, and I like your story. Dropped g's don't always synchronize with IQ; you can be very smart and still drop them. They do serve to show an uneducated person, if not an ignorant one, or simply to show from whence hills that character comes. They are fine to use at times. Using 'ain't" and "fer" and "God bless your heart, would like some sweet tea?" also get that Southern vibe across.

    Maybe it's like reading the word "the." I read it as "th." Say it as "th." And that isn't only true to the South. (I've lived all over.)

    Anyhoo, you're onto to something. (Yer onta sum'thin'.) Best, Claire

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