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  1. #31
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    May 2011
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    Indeed, I see that now, Allot. I believe everything is a learning experience, though. Today is already a better day. I might PM him later on in a similar way. My inferences were just wrong about his intentions, and I jumped too hastily on him.

    And thanks, it'll help a lot when I come back for the third, fourth and fifth tries when the MS is finished. So it's a real help, even in the fleshing out of the world.



  2. #32
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    Joe is not a troll. He has helped dozens of writers improve their queries, and their writing.

    You need to be more careful about the name calling.

    I won't be commenting on your work. My critique style would no doubt eviscerate you.

  3. #33
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    May 2011
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    I just love how some people seemed to pick out the negative statement or questions that I made, not bothering to take the time to focus on the positive ones that came afterward, (let alone the apology.) If you notice, there are a great number of posts after the negative one in question. I was not trying to be an asshole. I simply had a bad day. You would probably (I hope) not want me to hold it against you, after apologizing, if the situation was reversed.

    I also stated that it was not his comments that got under my skin, it was the tone and what I thought he was saying.

    I had no idea at how helpful he was around the community, so stating that doesn't really change how I felt at the time. Also, I seriously doubt that your critiquing style could effect me so terribly that I might resort to 'name calling.' So bring it on.

  4. #34
    Senior Member Avonne Writer's Avatar
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    David- So you've met the welcoming committee? lol

    Joe- hey, you told me in secret that you were a troll. No? Gee, I was gonna put my best troll dress on just for you.

    David- How 'bout starting over. Hello, I just read your 2nd attempt. I think you got quite the story, but like Raven said...if you're not close to being finished with your ms then... well, you read what she said. But, if you're just practicing, heck- post away. We'll definitely tell you what we think. I'm sure you gathered that already.

  5. #35
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    I'm all for starting over. Thank you, Avonne.

    I feel strongly about the story; though, that point is correct... anything can happen with it, especially since I'm going in very open minded about how it can progress and come to an end. I felt it was a lot of help to try the QL though, and you guys have been very helpful. So thank you.

  6. #36
    Senior Member Avonne Writer's Avatar
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    David- As far as your Q, it feels a lot like a summary. There is a ton of info in thar. Plus, there is mucho mucho telling going on. I'm not going to cut up every sentence, nor point out grammar issues. But, what I would suggest is that you dig into some of the query posts that have already been done. Try the Writing Critique and Query Forums.

    There are critters that offer really great suggestions on how to cut to the chase--so to speak. And, since this is more of a practice for you (as I'm understanding it) you're really not in any hurry to get it perfected.

    Jump in the pool, splash around, then hit us up...or not. Your choice. But, there are some really great critters here.

    Good Luck

  7. #37
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    May 2011
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    You know, I kind of felt it was a bit too much like a summary too... just didn't know how to shorten it to the bare essentials, you know?

    Anyways, thanks, I'll be breakin out my Strunk and White: Elements of Style to see what I'm rusty on as well. Though, I've always been one to break rules on purpose, at least when I think there's a good reason for it.

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