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  1. #41
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    Aug 2010
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amy Lou View Post
    Thanks for the push Simon. I didn't mean to make Maggie so interesting, it just happened.
    The problem is not that you made Maggie too interesting, it's that Chloe is not interesting on these pages. Even the way you played out the conflict in the failed seduction scene was blah and it has the potential to be fabulous.

    The single friend is not by definition more interesting just because she's single. And having a more interesting life is not the same thing as being more interesting. You can keep Maggie just as she is and still make Chloe a more interesting character by giving her flaws and quirks and a distinct point of view and have that point of view and those flaws and quirks define and shape her. For example think about how you can use her flaws and quirks and POV to re-envision that seduction scene so that both her seduction technique and her reaction to his lack of response are unique and specific to her - reveal something about her. Also isn't she supposed to be overweight and not comfortable with her body? You didn't get that point across to the reader. How does she see herself in that bustier? Let us see her how she sees herself.

    Also I didn't mention it before, but Gavin's dialogue in the seduction scene is way too expositional and on the nose. If you're going to move that flashback even later, then it needs to be bigger.



  2. #42
    Amy Lou
    Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Simon Says View Post
    The problem is not that you made Maggie too interesting, it's that Chloe is not interesting on these pages. Even the way you played out the conflict in the failed seduction scene was blah and it has the potential to be fabulous.

    The single friend is not by definition more interesting just because she's single. And having a more interesting life is not the same thing as being more interesting. You can keep Maggie just as she is and still make Chloe a more interesting character by giving her flaws and quirks and a distinct point of view and have that point of view and those flaws and quirks define and shape her. For example think about how you can use her flaws and quirks and POV to re-envision that seduction scene so that both her seduction technique and her reaction to his lack of response are unique and specific to her - reveal something about her. Also isn't she supposed to be overweight and not comfortable with her body? You didn't get that point across to the reader. How does she see herself in that bustier? Let us see her how she sees herself.

    Also I didn't mention it before, but Gavin's dialogue in the seduction scene is way too expositional and on the nose. If you're going to move that flashback even later, then it needs to be bigger.
    You are right Simon, once again, I totally understand what you are saying. When the scene was written the first time, it was a chapter and it happened in real time so to speak. It was more interesting and I show that she felt awkward, she grabs a blanket and covers herself when they argue, things like that. But I took it out because I turned it into a flashback. Sounds like I lost something by doing that. But you're right, I could do much more with her. In the real scene she takes longer to get dressed and does so in front of a mirror (cliche?) and sees the places on her body she's insecure about but decides to muster up the courage and follow through with her plan. But the ides you mention are fabulous. You have a way of pushing me more than I think I can go. Thank you for doing that. I wonder when I'll be able to do that for myself? LOL

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