HomeWritersLiterary AgentsEditorsPublishersResourcesDiscussion
Forum Login | Join the discussion
+ Reply to Thread
Page 6 of 6 FirstFirst ... 4 5 6
Results 51 to 53 of 53
  1. #51
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    99

    Re: Some feedback please B)

    @ Keith: Regarding me covering my ass. Albeit reluctantly, I decided to follow your advice - spent a couple of hours emailing family and friends and attaching the pages that included them as well as a document to be signed allowing me to use their name and their participation if I chose to.

    Without exception - each one agreed; My fax machine has been going mad all morning.
    Bonus: I invited comments and have received reminders about incidents that I had filed under "forget this" mind file. Happily, this has killed two birds with one stone - I now have material to expand my book from 50,000 words to more - and using substantial info rather than just waffle just for the sake of waffling. So you really were of enormous help to me! -D



  2. #52
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    487

    Re: Some feedback please B)

    Diane,

    I've looked over the responses so far and they make a lot of good points. Some of my comments below will be redundant of things already said, but in a fifty-post thread on a single query letter, it's hard to avoid repetition. I hope this is helpful. Here come the caps...


    If you are the parent of a rebellious teenager, I am here to tell you that you too will survive. I'M SORRY, DIANE, BUT I'M IN AGREEMENT WITH THE OTHERS WHO HAVE PANNED THIS OPENING SENTENCE. YES, IF I REALLY, REALLY WANT TO, I CAN IMAGINE AN AGENT WHO HAS A REBELLIOUS TEENAGER REACTING POSITIVELY TO THIS OPENING - BUT WISHFUL THINKING RARELY LEADS TO THE TRUTH. YOU NEED TO STOP THINKING OF YOUR DREAM PERSON WHO JUST HAPPENS TO BE AN AGENT, AND FOCUS ON THE ABSTRACT AGENT. WHAT DOES THE ABSTRACT AGENT WANT TO DO? MAKE MONEY. HOW DOES THE ABSTRACT AGENT MAKE MONEY? BY GETTING COMMISSIONS ON BOOK SALES. HOW DOES THE AGENT GET BOOKS SOLD? BY PICKING AUTHORS TO REPRESENT WHO CAN DRAW IN THE READER. HOW DOES THE AGENT KNOW WHICH AUTHORS TO REPRESENT? BY REVIEWING QUERY LETTERS THAT TALK ABOUT THE BOOK. YOUR HOOK LINE NEEDS TO BE ABOUT THE BOOK, NOT WHAT YOU THINK YOUR BOOK WILL "TELL" THE AGENT My parents survived by tightly closing their eyes for twenty years. NOW THE AGENT THINKS YOUR ADVICE IS TO KEEP HIS EYES CLOSED TO THE REBELLIOUS ACTS OF THE TEENAGER - NOT EXACTLY A DRAW FOR YOUR BOOK. I THINK YOU NEED TO JETTISON THIS PARAGRAPH AND WORK ITS CONCEPTS INTO THE BODY AND/OR CONCLUSION OF YOUR QUERY

    I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE is a 50,000-word tongue in cheek, DON'T SAY IT'S TONGUE IN CHEEK. SHOW IT WITH YOUR QUERY WRITING semi-autobiographical novel based on my true life experience. BASED ON MY TRUE LIFE EXPERIENCE IS REDUNDANT Growing up as a priviledged PRIVILEGED white teenager in South Africa during the apartheid era, I tested boundaries often to the limit within my family as well as politically. THAT WAS AWKWARD AND IT'S TELLING ABOUT YOU, NOT THE BOOK Influenced greatly by James Herriot, SOME AGENTS' SITES SAY TO DO THIS, SOME DON'T. I DON'T KNOW WHICH IS BETTER. HOWEVER, YOU HAVE TO SHOW IN YOUR QUERY THAT YOU WRITE WITH THE QUALITIES YOU'RE CLAIMING; NAMING ANOTHER AUTHOR ISN'T GOING TO GET THIS DONE FOR YOU I use gentle humour to offset the reality of living with a teenager in hormonal hell. AGAIN, TELLING WHAT YOU DO IN THE BOOK RATHER THAN SHOWING THROUGH YOUR QUERY THAT YOU CAN DO IT. ALSO, I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR BOOK


    Diane, I deliberately reviewed your query letter without looking at the samples you posted from your book, because the object of the query letter is to communicate to the reader not only what story the book tells, but how it tells it. I'm afraid this doesn't do it - this is all about you and not about the book. I know you'll hate to hear this because you've reworked this so many times, but it's not a query; you need to start from scratch. I'd suggest you read a lot of the entries on Query Shark and Janet Reid's comments on them before you take another stab.

    Good luck.

    JH

  3. #53
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    99

    Re: Some feedback please B)

    Thanks John. I actually scratched the QL as well as the concept.

    I am in the process of rewriting my MS as a novel. Even though I was reluctant at first, I am actually far more comfortable writing it this way because I am now able to use my MC without feeling the vulnerablilty of exposing myself. Besides being self protected, this also allows far more licence. But thank you so much for taking the trouble of going through my stuff,

    Ps: I am a fan of Snark.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts