Page One -- Genre: speculative/urban fantasy

[Adam Bentley]

Thank you so much, SR. It's great to hear, despite not knowing yet exactly what/who the mc is, you're invested enough to find out. And after only one page.

Thank you for the feedback. Your story sounds interesting as well. I'm off to stalk your posts to see if you've posted any snippets or a query.

Thanks again.

Adam

[Adam Bentley]

And thank you, too, MC. 'Preciate it.

I'd not even considered this a coincidental circumstance. I just thought the stoners on the beach made the scene more entertaining. Perhaps it's a context thing, what with not knowing how the rest of the scene plays out. But it's definitely a point worth considering, and consider it I shall.

Thanks again.

[Satyrical Raven]

Sorry Adam,

I think you'll be struggling to find any 'bits' of my MS.

Some time ago, WN went down and we all needed to re-register. I needed to change my email address as the one I used was no longer active. Trouble was, I could not change my email address without confirming it via my 'current' email address. So the only option was to re-register from the beginning.

And since then (actually before then) I have been working on my QL only as I was in the final (polish) stages of my MS but QL are a skill I have not fully mastered for my own work.

However, I sent you the prologue and a bit of the 1st Chapter via PM.

[Adam Bentley]

Holy cow, John. Thank you. Many, many good points. Great ones in fact. Especially in reference to voice. Theo is kinda formal; I've really tried to tone that down. But the stubborn son-of-a-bitch sneaks his "Jeeves-ian" speech in on me every now and again (my crit partner nicknamed him Jeeves because he is kinda stiff--side effect of his American "royalty" lineage, being descendant of John Adams and all).

Not sure about that opening para. I've put a lot of thought into starting with the standard first-sentence-hook-that-knocks-a-readers-socks-off; I could do that and do it well. Also, I know instant clarity and grounding is a good thing. A great thing. For some reason, though, maybe it's a style thing, hubris, stubbornness, chronic self-detriment, not sure, I've settled on this opening. In a way, it foreshadows the overall storytelling technique throughout the ms, and does so in three short sentences. 1. Interesting enough. 2. Ah, I see. 3. Woah, okay then. Is this the best approach? Undoubtedly, no. But alas, I gotta be me. Hopefully as long as I splash in decent writing, interesting characters and situations, tension, voice, conflict and resolution--on each and every page--any potential readers will remain engaged. Well hell, that sounds like a bunch of malarkey, doesn't it? Damnit. I might just alter that opener after all.

Oh, and excellent catch on his being in motion not jiving with a crab scampering across his foot. I'll definitely make that: A crab scampered out of his path, stirring up a sound cloud.

Thank you. Off to do some research on what the whippersnappers are referring to "joint hogs" these days, too.

Thanks again, John.

Adam

[Adam Bentley]

Thanks, Zoe. And yeah, he's on Earth. That's unclear here?

Adam

[Adam Bentley]

Thanks, Mayesha. Keep on writing, eh? As I'm sure we can all relate to, like any of us here have a choice in that. The trick is getting better, learning, revising, critiquing, growing...everyday. Then maybe, just maybe, you might become good. Not great. Not a literary marvel. Just good. That is all we can shoot for, imo.

Thanks again.

Adam

[Adam Bentley]

Thanks, Jena. And yeah, that's pretty ****ed up about the symbols, no?

Adam

[Satyrical Raven]

Its a shame your MS is not ready and polished right here and now.

I just heard from a lit agent by email who rejected my MS but told me she liked my style, just not the genre she wants right now and if I have a near complete or complete urban fantasty, she wanted to see/read it.

Of-course I do not, but I think yours might have hit the target if it were ready.

[Adam Bentley]

Thanks, SR. I look forward to reading it. I'll shoot you some feedback shortly.

Just saw your second post. Sorry about the rejection. But you'll be a better writer for it in the end. Still sucks, though. Was it a partial or a full?

[Adam Bentley]

Okay, what the f am I doing wrong to not have my posts fall in sequential order? Kinda frustrating to have to bounce around to read and respond.