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  1. #91
    Senior Member Avonne Writer's Avatar
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    Re: Please critic my query letter

    @ Zoe - Noble House was one of my favs, too. I'd almost forgotten about that book I read it soooooo long ago.



  2. #92
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    Re: Please critic my query letter

    Thank you, Morris.

    Today's choice: light blue with pink lace.

    You know, it's really funny, but one of the things that makes me feel good is having lots of underwear and socks.

    When you haven't had the money to buy things like that, and then you can afford them, it makes you very happy. So, I guess that's what poverty is good for, if anything. It makes you grateful when you finally can buy what you need.

    Meanwhile, back at Morris's critique . . . .

  3. #93
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    Re: Please critic my query letter

    Yes, back to critiquing. I am beginning to regain my rational mind, slowly. The rib I broke was made sleep impossible but I think I am getting a handle on it. First my apologies to Avonne Writer who encouraged me, read my first chapter, and gave her honest opinion, only to have me respond childishly. My novel is presently on hold.

    I need to learn more. So, I thought I would pull out an old piece I cut from my book 2 years ago, rewrite it, and write a query about it. I originally cut this because it didnít fit the character or the storyline. THIS IS ONLY A WRITING EXERCISE! I have no interest in using this anywhere, I am only interested in using this to practice my sentence stringing, tense, and show. First the query, then the piece. Feel free critique all you want.

    To:
    Dear xxx, I have completed my novel, Clown on the Road, a story of a conflicted man and his dog.

    Gonzo Smith is a man addicted to the adrenaline rush of pushing pranks and practical jokes to the limit. His personal life is a shambles while one by one; jobs and relationships pass him by, sabotaged by his love of turning the tables on others.

    His only friend Blaze is the proof that no matter how screwed up your life can get, a dog is still manís best friend.

    What can I say? I was born a clown. The only thing missing was the big rubber nose, frizzy orange hair and oversize feet. Shelly, my ex-girlfriend, accused me of being an ass. She may be right, but the operative word here is ex-girlfriend. Here I go again on another adventure, unable to stop myself, just me and my dog Blaze. Blind jokes are tasteless, I know, but Iíve never been accused of having much style or taste.

    My novel word count is 1300 words.

    Sincerely, Morris Graham

  4. #94
    Senior Member
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    Re: Please critic my query letter

    Morris, start a new thread with your exercise query. This one's getting a bit long.

  5. #95
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    Re: Please critic my query letter

    k

  6. #96
    Senior Member Zoe Saadia's Avatar
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    Re: Please critic my query letter

    @ Avonne - you should try Gai-Jin too. It has the same quality, and it mixes Shogun and Tai Pan nicely B)
    (I think it was written right after the Noble House, and it's amazing to see how, with each such project, the author becomes more and more daring and unrestrained/unafraid
    Pre-Columbian North America

    http://blog.zoesaadia.com/

  7. #97
    Senior Member Avonne Writer's Avatar
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    Re: Please critic my query letter

    Zoe- It's been so long...but I think *scratching my head* that I did read it. Was that the one with the big earthquake or was that Tai-pan? Wow, does that bring back memories. Thx

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