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  1. #11
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    Re: Daring the gauntlet

    Ooh, good catch, Joe. I missed that one.



  2. #12
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    Re: Daring the gauntlet

    @Stan,

    Woah Nelly, I just came back from the barber, I can't afford much more. My sincerest apologies, but don't the exotic Native American deserve more than just Indian? Me thinks they should be paid the dignity of being called by their tribe. You being the resident expert I will let you decide.

  3. #13
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    Re: Daring the gauntlet

    Thanks for the comments Author. The MC does not know the tribe of the Indian, that's why he's described sort of generically. There were many tirbes from all over the Northeast who allied with the French in 1757.

  4. #14
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    Re: Daring the gauntlet

    Thanks for the second look, Stan. And to think I thought your grandmother was in the Cumann na mBan!

  5. #15
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    Re: Daring the gauntlet

    Thanks Joe for the comments. They are spot on!

  6. #16
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    Re: Daring the gauntlet

    Thanks John - Wow! I'm glad I had another merlot before tackling that post! They are terrific comments and I appreciate the time you took to read and comment.

  7. #17
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    Re: Daring the gauntlet

    The MC in the story does not know the tribe of the Indian. Taxos is actually a member of the St. Francis Indians who were the remnants of the Abanaki driven to Canada at the end of King Philip's War They were same tribe who, in real life, were attacked in the raid by Rogers Rangers, dramatized in the book/movie "Northwest Passage" (Rogers actually started the Army Rangers at the time this story occurs. John Stark of the "live free or die" fame was a member) . But there were plenty of Huron and other tribes who joined with the French (and who spoke French). I've had trouble finding reliable information on the customs/appearance of the Abanaki so I've had to make him pretty generic.

  8. #18
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    Re: Daring the gauntlet

    Julie,

    I found the section well done.

    The only thing I haven't seen mentioned yet is all the timing markers you use in that first graph.

    when he heard
    as he tilted
    For several moments
    Then


    I'd try to get one or two of them out of there. I didn't see the problem cropping up in the rest of the section so it doesn't look like a problem for you in general.

    Oh, one other thing. I don't know how you want this to feel, but the last graph felt like it was begging for a tad more tension.

    Philip stared into the boyish face then pulled the pistol from his belt. "This wasn't part of the agreement," he said, his voice tinged with alarm. "I'm not a prisoner." He placed the weapon into the outstretched hand.

    Seems like you could heighten the tension here, not these words, but the idea of separating Phillip's surrender of his weapon.

    Philip stared into the boyish face. "This wasn't part of the agreement."

    The lieutenant extended his hand.

    Philip pulled the pistol from his belt. "I'm not a prisoner," he said, his voice tinged with alarm. The lieutenant did not respond. Philip placed the weapon into the outstretched hand.


    Good luck with whatever you're working on.

  9. #19
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    Re: Daring the gauntlet

    CK: Great insight and wonderful comments! I particularly like the idea of separating the ideas to increase the tension.

  10. #20
    Senior Member Zoe Saadia's Avatar
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    Re: Daring the gauntlet

    There were many, many, Native American Nations involved in the French-British conflict between the 17-18th centuries. MANY!
    Some assisted French, some British (some Dutch), but most assisted themselves in a struggle against their historical neighbors, so the policies toward the European newcomers were changing often.
    These areas were abounded with "life" and politics prior to any outside contact, so the European' presence was used to the maximum, with no obligation toward the uninvited "visitors".



    AS for the fragment, I liked it. It's very readable and flowing
    Pre-Columbian North America

    http://blog.zoesaadia.com/

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