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Thread: Monsoon

  1. #1
    Junior Member
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    Jan 2011
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    Monsoon

    O.K., I'll break the ice (literally, here in the high plains).




    Monsoon

    High-desert breeze whispers through juniper
    thickets, moaning to announce the coming
    storm; scuttling, rustling phantoms move
    to sheltering boughs and caves

    Cinnamon dust flies down narrow trails,
    the wind twists faster, the cloud hovers
    near, a fat black bulk that pulses like a
    dark bag full of shrieking demons

    Great drops twist into earth and puffs arise
    and blow away, booms and crazy crashes,
    brilliant blinding shafts drive into mountain,
    relentless, strike after pounding strike

    Sulphurous ozone, pine sap, rainspray, bile,
    tang of blood, nostrils large and small can
    smell the fear that permeates the wild
    and gather tightly, claws and horns alike

    The main force moves along, finding
    other random victims, the evil and the innocent,
    but there were secret places, hidden
    and protected, so we all huddled there

    Now we part the boughs and go about
    our business, each to his own,
    shaking off the storm and
    looking for our homes.



  2. #2
    Junior Member
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    Re: Monsoon

    That was realy good! I love how descriptive you were

  3. #3
    Junior Member
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    Re: Monsoon

    Annie, you're a peach. Thanks.

  4. #4
    Member
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    Re: Monsoon

    Al, don't know much about poetry, but I enjoyed it. Nice imagery.

    Are you familiar with the work of Larry Woiwode? He's based in N.Dakota--is that within the high plains area?
    http://www.larrywoiwode.com/

  5. #5
    Junior Member
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    Re: Monsoon

    Thanks, Robin, I'm glad you liked it. No, I'm not familiar with Larry Woiwode, but I'll have a look at his work. North Dakota is on the Canadian border and New Mexico is on the Mexican border, so we're a bit apart. Thanks again.

  6. #6
    martin shaw
    Guest

    Re: Monsoon

    this tends to weaken, but only slightly towards the end, Al.

    'cinamon dust flies down narrow trails,' this is a great line... it took me straight away. I fact, this is one of the best lines i have seen in a long time.

    The title Monsoon also set my mind in motion... a great theme, so much to capture, and indeed you have.


    You have a very good standard of work, seemingly in all walks. It wouldn't surprise me if you have already been published and sold well, or probably a best seller.

    Actually i'm gonna check

  7. #7
    Junior Member
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    Re: Monsoon

    Thanks, Martin. You're right. I think the piece does begin to run out of gas toward the end.

    No, I'm afraid there aren't any best-sellers on my shelves with my name on them. I have sold to a dozen or so online magazines, and have a couple stories and poems in an anthology published by Silver Boomer Books, titled, of all things, From Freckles to Wrinkles. It is in Barnes and Noble.

  8. #8
    Senior Member
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    Re: Monsoon

    I liked it! Good job.
    “Put it before them briefly so they will read it, clearly so they will appreciate it, picturesquely so they will remember it and, above all, accurately so they will be guided by its light.”
    -Joseph Pulitzer

  9. #9
    Junior Member
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    May 2011
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    Really good job.A good mixing of words improved your art of writing.I love it.

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