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Thread: The Beach

  1. #11
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    Re: The Beach

    The problem is we don't know the writer's imagined scene, or scenario.

    When you read:
    "Light drifts over the sea, kind of like gravy floating across mash potatoes."
    ...one immediately suspects a put-on, or someone trying for the grand prize in a bad writing contest.

    On the other hand: If this is a monolog of a deranged but benign goofball, with a gift for wacky images/metaphors/similes, it's very successful.

    Imagine if you were in a creative writing class, and today's assignment is to create a dingbat character's monolog...speaking for myself, it'd take me a great deal of effort to think of comparing light on a sea to mashed potatos and gravy.



  2. #12
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    Re: The Beach

    It read well in the fact that I didn't lose interest, but I would agree that this may not be the best way to practice descriptive writing. I don't have much new to add that hasn't already been said; I don't think it was awful but neither was I invested. The only thing I'll bring up it your use of second person, when you write about what "you" experience on the beach. I loathe being told what happens in second person because my experience is not necessarily yours. When you write your descriptions, I know I am seeing the scene through your eyes, not my own and that's what makes it interesting. Stay away from second person, because there's always a chance that some jaded and cynical soul like myself will say "That's not what I would say," and lose interest.

  3. #13
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    Re: The Beach

    See, Source of Truth? Criticize, explain nothing.

  4. #14
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    Re: The Beach

    John O, I have responded to you in "Controversial Topics."

  5. #15
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    Re: The Beach

    I read it, O SOT. But since I was commenting on your advice as a typical example of what you term a writing "critique", I suspect it's a valid post. But if not, c'est la vie.

  6. #16
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    Re: The Beach

    John, I have responded to your post in Controversial Topics.

  7. #17
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    Re: The Beach

    My personal opinion is that today people are so busy that they don't "stop and smell the roses." We use all of our senses on a daily basis obviously, but I personally think the main ones we focus on are sight and sound. I learned something in my class that might help you develop your descriptive writing better. When OR if you have time really take in your surroundings. Focus on each of the five senses and what you notice. Really try to describe each sense as well as you can.Then write down a description for each of the five senses in a journal. You can do this during your lunch break or when you have time. I thought it was a good idea and I thought I would share it with you. It might help you to "get back in touch" with your senses. Good luck!
    “Put it before them briefly so they will read it, clearly so they will appreciate it, picturesquely so they will remember it and, above all, accurately so they will be guided by its light.”
    -Joseph Pulitzer

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