Querying about my Query

[The Tainted]

Haven't been on here in a while.

Here's a query letter attempt for something I've been working on. It's a bit unorthodox. Which is why I desperately need your opinion. Thanks

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It took Jason five seconds to realize he loved Rachel.

It took her three months to realize she didn’t.

In two minutes she shattered his life.

In a split second he ended it.

Now the game begins.

Jason awakes to the chuckle of a demon, who hands him a deck of cards, a compass and a one way ticket back to New York. Each card represents fellow suicidée. The compass points them to each other. The city is an enchanted arena, where vampires, leprechauns and mermaids dwell. The goal is simple. Don’t lose your second life. The last one standing finds heaven. The rest, eternal misery.

Jason rather not play. But there’s a fifty-third card in the pack: The Red Joker. She’s not only the reason Jason ended his life, she’s the reason they all did.

The Suicide Games is an 82,000 word urban fantasy.

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[D K]

Fifteen days ago you read an unorthodox query on query shark;

Fourteen days ago you thought you could make the same approach work for you;

Two days ago you finished your new QL;

Yesterday you posted it on WN hoping nobody noticed you silently tried to claim the idea as yours;

Five minutes ago I read your QL;

Four minutes ago I wished I hadn't;

Right now I have no idea what your MS is about;

Tomorrow you should start all over.

DK

[Bina Bear]

I'm sorry, but I liked it.

The new approach is intriguing, but also short and to the point.

Were it not for the fact that I despise fantasy (mermaids, goblins, vampires, ewwww, lol), I would be interested enough to give this book a try.

From all the other queries I have read in the last few days, I would say this one is the best.

BUT: I am not a published writer. So I don't know for how much such an opinion counts.

[John Hawkwood]

Agree wholeheartedly with DK, and wanted to offer the following for The Tainted's consideration:

Twenty days ago an unorthodox query was posted on Query Shark and Janet Reid raved about it;

Nineteen days ago the first of approximately 30,000 prospective authors copied the format of the unorthodox query for their own queries;

Eighteen days ago agents started getting inundated with queries following this pattern;

Seventeen days ago every agent in the country decided if they never saw another query following this pattern it would be too soon.

Seriously, we've already seen two queries posted for comment on these boards using this device, and there haven't been all that many queries posted for comment since December 31.

[leslee]

Don't fall into this trap. Every Q letter looks like yours these days because it was posted by Reid. Either come up with something quirky of your own, or follow the traditional format and make it brilliant. But don't shoot yourself in the foot by attempting to duplicate what worked for someone else.

[The Tainted]

Okay lol. But hey I didn't try to pass it off as my own. By reading the other threads I knew you guys were already aware of this device. Just thought I'd use it for the opening lines. I liked the fact that you don't always have to be specific in a query. I see your point though. I'm going to axe the opener. Thanks guys.

Thanks to Sabina as well. I like these blurb type of query of letters. They're more fun to write, and somewhat easier, though there's a fine line between cheesy and intruiging. Tough stuff.

[leslee]

It's good to see you back here, by the way.

[Bina Bear]

That shows though how little I know. I did not know this was not an original. On the other hand, I guess the original was liked, so I was not totally in left field about that, lol.

[Amy Lou]

Even though I too saw this on query shark, I didn't hate yours LOL and I found the query interesting, I finished it after all. I thought he had a one way ticket back to NY but then you say that the last one standing finds heaven and the last one eternal misery, is that NY? LOL So I find it a little confusing but I certainly like the concept

[Lea Zalas]

Hey Tainted. Welcome back. Since everyone else commented the first portion of your QL, I'll comment on the second. These are just my suggestions:

Jason awakes to the chuckle of a demon, who hands him a deck of cards, a compass and a one way ticket back to New York. Each card represents a fellow [s]suicidée[/s] suicide. [s]The[/s] Each one of them has a compass that points them to each other. The city is an enchanted arena, where vampires, leprechauns and mermaids dwell. The goal is simple - don’t lose your second life. The last one standing finds heaven. The rest, eternal misery.

Jason would rather not play. [s]But[/s] Because there’s a fifty-third card in the pack: The Red Joker. She’s [s]not only[/s] the reason Jason ended his life, she’s the reason they all did.

Lea