My first shot at a cover letter. Critique please?

[Brad Mathews]

I am proud of my earlier books, not the publisher.

[leslee]

Great. Be proud. Just don't put it on a query letter.

[John Oberon]

Brad,

Virtually no cohesion whatsoever. It's like a string of unrelated thoughts. I can't make much sense of it. Write it so it makes some sense, even if it's way too long, so we can at least understand the story, then we can start whittling it down and talking structure and style.

[jayce]

Uh, John. This thread has been dormant for over a year. The original poster has long since moved on, doncha think?