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  1. #21
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010

    Re: And Then She Left (Part 2)

    Thank you, Keith. And it must be true because Mosquitos think I'm delicious.

  2. #22
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010

    Re: And Then She Left (Part 2)


    I hope I'm not too late to comment. I read this through and tried to overlook the obvious grammatical problems, which really wasn't that difficult to do. The mechanics of writing are the easiest part to learn and I agree that the more you read, the more you will absorb. In fact, the best writers are voracious readers - and if you love to read you will find your lessons very enjoyable. If you can't find anything on the bestselling list that appeals, try some of the classics. Myself, I cut my teeth on Thackeray.

    Getting back to your work, the basic premise and the emotion were very interesting...until I got to the end. All of the buildup and all she says is she wants to give the relationship another try?? I have to say, this was a serious letdown. From my understanding of their relationship, another "try" is unrealistic at best. But if that's where you're going with it, try putting in some hints that there is hope for the relationship, or that it had love/heat/something at some point. Otherwise you leave your readers with the urge to throw the book across the room and find an author who understands dramatic tension.

    Admittedly I didn't read Part 1, my apologies if this critique is not helpful without it!!

  3. #23

    Re: And Then She Left (Part 2)

    Altaf Hussain Wrote:
    > I don't really want to write for any "market" as
    > such. I just want to write. I don't even care
    > about being a prof writer.

    Most people here do.

    If you're looking for ESL lessons, this is not the place to get them.

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