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  1. #11
    Book Werm
    Guest

    Re: big thought, small paragraph

    Thank you all. Incorporating several of your suggestions, this is what I came up with which is pretty much what I want to convey. This is final draft of manuscript, so by final edit, it may or may not stay just this way.

    There was about him the self-confident aura of Superman who rescued babies from burning buildings as a routine part of his day. His intensity though, all steel and no silk, suggested he was as likely to crush the beneficiary of his good deed as he was to place them safely out of harm.



  2. #12
    Asa
    Guest

    Re: big thought, small paragraph

    I hate to put my two cents in when you've settled the question, but I liked the “casually”. I felt that it evoked an image – swagger, as Patrick so aptly put it. IMHO, I would keep your original first sentence, just cut down a bit:

    He had the self-confident appeal of Superman, casually rescuing people from burning buildings in the course of the day. But he was all steel and no silk. His intensity suggested that he was just as likely to crush the beneficiary of his good deed as he was to place them safely out of harm.

    I also didn’t find the baby off-putting, but I can see that others might. I like a little shock.

    BTW, I think I met this guy. His name was Mike

  3. #13
    Book Werm
    Guest

    Re: big thought, small paragraph

    No, his name was Melvin. Don't be taken in however, by every steel guy you meet in a red and blue silk suit and cape.

    BW

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