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  1. #1
    Kathryn Poling
    Guest

    Does this sentence make sense?

    I removed my arm, allowing him to get the air his lungs craved so.



  2. #2
    Lily
    Guest

    Re: Does this sentence make sense?

    I removed my arm, allowing him to get the air his lungs craved so.


    I removed my arm, allowing him to get the air his lungs so craved.

  3. #3
    Kathryn Poling
    Guest

    Re: Does this sentence make sense?

    Ahh. I knew there was something wrong with it. Thanks.

  4. #4
    John Oberon
    Guest

    Re: Does this sentence make sense?

    How about some action?

    I removed my arm, and he gasped and coughed as he staggered away from me.

  5. #5
    Janice W-D
    Guest

    Re: Does this sentence make sense?

    Ummm, actually you have another problem. Is the character a surgeon or robot? If not, we'll have a hard time believing the character ripped their own arm off. ;-) Maybe one of these will do:

    I moved my arm away OR
    I let go OR
    I moved away from him OR
    I loosened my grip

    Best,
    Janice

  6. #6
    Felix Isfet
    Guest

    Re: Does this sentence make sense?

    What about "I took my arm off his chest, allowing him to get the air his lungs so desperately craved."

  7. #7
    John Oberon
    Guest

    Re: Does this sentence make sense?

    "I removed my arm" struck me funny too, but since it's a single sentence, I just assumed context would take the humor out of it.

  8. #8
    nancy drew
    Guest

    Re: Does this sentence make sense?

    "I shifted my arm ..."

  9. #9
    Don Daffron
    Guest

    Re: Does this sentence make sense?

    How about: I removed my boot from his mouth and kicked his ribcage in. That got him to breathing again, but punctured his right lung with the jagged end of his long rib.

    Is this a tender love story?

  10. #10
    Kathryn Poling
    Guest

    Re: Does this sentence make sense?

    Hahaha, I never looked at it like that. Guess it made sense to me because of what was going on to provoke the situation; the situation being a guy in his early twenties pushed against a wall by a girl with her forearm to his throat.

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