HomeWritersLiterary AgentsEditorsPublishersResourcesDiscussion
Forum Login | Join the discussion
+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 8 of 8
  1. #1
    Steve Wong
    Guest

    Need Proofreading

    This is an essay I am working on for college admission. Any help is appreciated
    Prompt:“Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.”

    My high school experience has made me aware of my interest, curiosity and excitement for math and engineering, invoking my aspirations in my career goals through starkly different manners. My high school only offers math through trigonometry, and even those limited courses are not challenging. By the time I was a sophomore, I could not stand it; I realized that I needed to take an active role in my education. I spent hours teaching myself topics my teacher skipped in Geometry and Advanced Algebra, and signed up for Trigonometry at a community college.
    Community colleges accept high school students last, so I often could not take the course I wanted; as a junior in high school, there was no math class left to take, and classes at nearby community colleges were full. I decided to read through a statistics book in my free time, and passed the AP exam at the end of the year without a teacher.
    Coming from School of the Arts, my humanities education has exposed me to world issues from every angle. Courses such as Human Geography and World History opened my eyes to problems that engineering can solve. A skateboarder falls down because of a crack in the sidewalk. Can we develop economically feasible concrete that erodes slower? The Pacific Trash Vortex is twice the size of Texas. Is it possible to synthesize new plastics so this issue doesn’t worsen? The United States has supported coups in the Democratic Republic of the Congo for access to its cobalt, copper, and industrial diamonds. Are there alternatives to destroying Africa for our electronic equipment and gain? There are also energy issues, disease, the list goes on.
    Although my classroom experience exposed me to global issues, it is my experience outside the classroom that helped me realized my potential to solve some of these issues. As a member of California Scholarship Federation, one of my responsibilities is to tutor my peers. Over the years, I’ve tutored many students, helping them with not only the subjects, but also with study habits and thought processes. I’ve helped them succeed in a wide range of subjects, from English, chemistry, history, to even music theory.
    I will always remember Rebecca. She came from an impoverished background and struggled in school, so her algebra teacher assigned me to help her. Coming from an upbringing emphasizing education, this was a culture clash. Eventually I figured out how she learns best, and now she excels without my tutoring. The world we are from shows me that there are problems to solve. The world I am from tells me that I have opportunities to solve them.
    Some people say math education is the same no matter what university one attends. They say the topics are the same and often schools would use the same textbooks. However, in a diverse and stimulating environment such as the University of California system, I can be surrounded by people who share my educational goals. UC’s can provide me with exceptional opportunities for undergraduate research, allowing me to continue taking an active role in my education.



  2. #2
    Steve Wong
    Guest

    Re: Need Proofreading

    Also, can someone frequent to this forum teach me how to edit/delete a post?

  3. #3
    Author Pendragin
    Guest

    Re: Need Proofreading

    You can't Steven. That feature hasn't been added yet, so you get one chance to post, after that you have to post again. As far as your essay is concerned, I would try to tighten things up a bit. I would also start new paragraphs with every new subject entered.

    Paragraph 1:High school has taught me.
    Paragraph 2:Coming from arts school
    Paragraph 3.. So on, and so forth.

  4. #4
    Joe Zeff
    Guest

    Re: Need Poorfraeding

    Back in the Stone Age, when I was applying to college, we were expected to do things like this without help. The point of the essay is to see how well you've learned composition, grammar and syntax, not how skilled a set of strangers who aren't going to be attending the institution are. Getting help from us is cheating, and I, for one, am not interested in helping you.

  5. #5
    Steve Wong
    Guest

    Re: Need Poorfraeding

    Thank you Pendragin, and I understand what you are saying Zoe. Can I contact an Admin to delete this post? And if any admin is reading this, can you help me delete this.

  6. #6
    Steve Wong
    Guest

    Re: Need Poorfraeding

    anyone?

  7. #7
    Author Pendragin
    Guest

    Re: Need Poorfraeding

    You can't Steve, a moderator would have too.

  8. #8
    Janice W-D
    Guest

    Re: Need Poorfraeding

    Steve,

    The mods usually only respond when you contact them via email. Click on the Contact Us link at the very bottom of the page.

    Best,
    Janice

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts