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Thread: Silence

  1. #1
    Jeff D
    Guest

    Silence

    \"Silence\"


    Silence is golden, to most others, it seems

    But to me there\'s the voices, the presence, the dreams

    When most others relax and reflect on their day

    The battles only begun, in my mind let\'s say

    The legions inside, they dictate my path

    Like a Prison-Boss allocates his personal wrath

    The surroundings we trod are void of color and taste

    Saturation is there, yet most hues goes to waste

    The sound it consumes us, overwhelming and great

    The onslaught, the conflict, the turmoil, the fate

    These ongoing nightmares have become like a friend

    That the others inside validate and defend

    There must be some way we can separate this

    And get out of this horrid, eternal abyss

    You know, I might miss those that I\'ve learned to endure

    A price gladly paid for, by me, for a cure

    Silence is golden, or at least I\'ve been told

    I\'d just like to find out, before I\'m too old



    My attempt at a poem.

    Please be kind.

    j.



  2. #2
    martin shaw
    Guest

    Re: Silence

    I know how long it took you to do this with rhythm. Some of it is forced, y'no abyss and this, much like Hannibal Lector is Hannibal the cannibal; it puts me off the film. However, it reads well and I fully understand it.

    'Saturation is there, yet most hues goes to waste.'

    Not sure I get this line.

    All in all, not bad. You may live to fight another day Jeff, and you must grow a goaty my fellow bard.

  3. #3
    leslee
    Guest

    Re: Silence

    " . . . grow a goaty . . ."

    Uh . . . it's goatee.


    <http://www.wikihow.com/Grow-a-Goatee>

  4. #4
    Jeff D
    Guest

    Re: Silence

    Thanks Les, I thought I needed to raise a goat. LOL j.

  5. #5
    leslee
    Guest

    Re: Silence

    Well, that might be fun. But I can't see what it has to do with poetry!

  6. #6
    Jeff D
    Guest

    Re: Silence

    Thanks Martin for your reply

  7. #7
    martin shaw
    Guest

    Re: Silence

    Goatee, yes thanks. Old fashioned fashion of the old fashioned bards. Anyway leslee to put it bluntly. Will you @!#$ off.

  8. #8
    Lea Zalas
    Guest

    Re: Silence

    Jeff,

    I loathe poetry, but I like this. Punctuation is a little off, to me anyway, but I have never really understood the timing or "voice" of poetry.

    "Saturation is there, yet most hues goes to waste." I think I get this: deep colors but not all colors are there? Oh Gawd! I'm talking poetry - help!

    Martin - goatees are gross. It might even cost him a potential girlfriend, if he doesn't have one already. Yuck!

    Lea

  9. #9
    Jeff D
    Guest

    Re: Silence

    Thanks Lea, I'm not the biggest fan of poetry either.

    Thanks tho.

    And guess what. I have both already.

    LOL

    j.

  10. #10
    martin shaw
    Guest

    Re: Silence

    Well its not bad for someone who isn't a fan

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