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  1. #1
    Brandon Cleveland
    Guest

    Does this work (one small sentence, use of nouns/pronouns)

    I know we all have our own styles, but can someone tell me if this is right or wrong?

    “Oh shush it, boy!” Pat told him, and then winked at Emma, who smiled.



  2. #2
    l m
    Guest

    Re: Does this work (one small sentence, use of nouns/pronouns)

    What do you mean by "right or wrong"?

  3. #3
    Brandon Cleveland
    Guest

    Re: Does this work (one small sentence, use of nouns/pronouns)

    it feels drawn out, like a run on

  4. #4
    Finnley Wren
    Guest

    Re: Does this work (one small sentence, use of nouns/pronouns)

    It's not bad. Unsure why you chose to use "told him" rather than the invisible "said" (though I recognize that perhaps you're just mixing things up a bit. Still, you can never go wrong with "said.")

    I might go with, “Oh shush it, boy!” Pat said, then winked at Emma, who smiled.

    I almost always drop the "and" in "and then." Just reads better to me, is all.

  5. #5
    Finnley Wren
    Guest

    Re: Does this work (one small sentence, use of nouns/pronouns)

    Or

    Oh shush it, boy!” Pat said, winking at Emma.

    She smiled.

  6. #6
    Gary Kessler
    Guest

    Re: Does this work (one small sentence, use of nouns/pronouns)

    It's OK if that's the way want to write it. No comma after "him," though.

  7. #7
    l m
    Guest

    Re: Does this work (one small sentence, use of nouns/pronouns)

    "I know we all have our own styles, but can someone tell me if this is right or wrong?"

    OK, to answer your question: No, your sentence is not right or wrong.

    But you're correct in considering it a matter of style.

    One sentence, two, three--it's a question of voice, the tone, attitude, rhythm, and flow you want.

    Not having read what precedes and follows the sentence, it's difficult for someone else to judge what's best for, most consistent with, your voice.

    Were it a question of grammar, one could offer an opinion, but the skilled writer can use rhetorical figures to override standard grammar, if the writer wants such an effect.

    Look up:
    --enallage
    --antimeria (anthimeria)

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