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Thread: Catching?

  1. #11
    Gary Kessler
    Guest

    Re: Catching?

    everyday you imagine someone to be a spy.

    That probably depends on what circles you move in. When I was growing up we imagined everyone (even each other) spies. And, on the whole, we were correct.



  2. #12
    Anthony Ravenscroft
    Guest

    Re: Catching?

    Alex, I think what throws me off about the very opening is that it jumps around visually. Terry's looking over the flow of cars, but then he's focussed on one car after the other, making up little stories about the passengers, then he's (vaguely) beseeching them, then he's focussed on himself, then he's back to egocentric small-god omniscience hovering over the town. That's a LOT of freight for four sentences!! I mean, less than 100 words, yet "cluttered" is an understatement -- "busywork" doesn't equate with "literary density."

    Go back, write it simply, don't cram so many thoughts into a sentence. I bet you'll find that it reads better even to you. Once you have that solid base, you can toss some tinsel on it, but not before you get your point across quickly & captivatingly.

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