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Thread: Prologue

  1. #31
    Busy Lizzy

    Re: Prologue

    inside told a different story. A chrystal chandelier...

    "Her turquoise colored hair"[do you really mean this color? turquoise is a blue-ish color, mind]

    "He saw a short stout man" [well, he would have to open the door first, wouldn't he? Better: He opened the door for a short stout man"]

    "her weightless strides". This is an akward expression. Maybe better: "in her movement"?

    "he still held his composure." he still kept his composure.

    zhi, that's all from me. There is really no sense in my editing everything for you, as you can imagine. When I read on in your text, I find loads of errors (spelling and grammar). Somhow you will have to improve on your speech usage.
    Don't you have an editing function in your computer program? That might be a big help.
    Or, as I said before, find someone near you to edit your work.
    Busy Lizzy

  2. #32
    zhi wong

    Re: Prologue

    Busy Lizzy,
    I literally meant she 'flew to the door'. As in fly. But somehow I'm not sure how to describe that. Any tips? Yes, I intend for Anya to have a blue-ish colored hair. I wanted her to be different, stand out from the other princesses. Okay, a big difference.

  3. #33
    Busy Lizzy

    Re: Prologue

    Dear zhi,

    I really don't want to offend you, but my impression is that if you write in the English language, you make so many mistakes that it would be a great obstacle towards ever being published.

    Even your "author's profile" is riddled with countless spelling mistakes.

    If you insist in writing in English, you would have to work with an editing function or find someone to edit your work.

    Honestly, I think that would be the best idea for you to write in the language you feel completely at home in. (Would this be Malaysian?)

    If you were to be published in Malaysia and your book sold well, maybe them someone would translate it to English and it would be available to a larger readership.

    But as matters stand now, I can't see you being successful with agents or publishers with texts that are so faulty.

    Sorry if this sounds harsh, but that is my honest opinion.

  4. #34

    Re: Prologue

    "You notice since someone told Redd the meaning of IMHO he can't stop using it now?"

    Someone should explain to him the difference between TOO and TO, TOO.

  5. #35
    Chris Redd

    Re: Prologue


    The word to indicates distance or direction, whereas the word too indicates excess.

    Any more comments?

  6. #36
    Chris Redd

    Re: Prologue


    It's two, too, and to. Not too, to, and too.

  7. #37
    Rogue Mutt

    Re: Prologue

    I bet you had to look that up on Wikipedia.

  8. #38
    The Midnight Writer

    Re: Prologue

    Sad Chris Redd. Translation: Someone should teach him the difference between TOO and TO, [i] also.

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