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  1. #21
    Busy Lizzy
    Guest

    Re: Constructive Criticism

    B.b.s.,

    I agree with Dave that - for your age - this isn't bad at all.

    Sure, you are making a lot of mistakes and it would take plenty of work to edit it.

    Maybe you could find someone, a friend or teacher, who could read and correct what you write.

    But I've got to say one thing: The conversation between the kids - brutal as it is - rings very true and authentic.

    Us old creatures here could never get it down so well, because we don't know about youthful jargon like you do, living at the source.

    Don't get discouraged. If you've really got the writing bug, you are going to keep at it any way.

    Good luck!



  2. #22
    S Stull
    Guest

    Re: Constructive Criticism

    There are a great many small typos I had trouble getting past. Edit, put spaces between each paragraph, and I'll try to read some more later.

  3. #23
    Chris Redd
    Guest

    Re: Constructive Criticism

    Aww Dave, what's wrong? Can't take criticism? Poor baby Sucks to be you.

    I'm sorry for not checking your profile before I posted. For a 14 year old, you have nothing to be ashamed of. I actually liked the feel of the conflict you presented. Keep on developing your skills – time is on your side!

    looks like your reading skills suck.. If you had read my post instead of shooting off at the mouth, then maybe you wouldn't have restated what I said. You might have even added something new.

  4. #24
    Dave S
    Guest

    Re: Constructive Criticism

    Can’t take criticism? Who’s criticizing me? No one did. Please read the previous posts, Chris. Do your best to comprehend the English language. I know this is a struggle for you.

  5. #25
    Chris Redd
    Guest

    Re: Constructive Criticism

    I was criticizing you for being a jerk-wad, and saying something which was not warranted. You attacked me just because you felt like it. If you can't tell I was criticizing you than your comprehensive skills are off.

  6. #26
    Busy Lizzy
    Guest

    Re: Constructive Criticism

    I think that hijacking other people's threads and having nasty bickerings in them is sick and very impolite. I wish we had a proper moderator who would crash down on people who do that.

  7. #27
    Chris Redd
    Guest

    Re: Constructive Criticism

    Lizzy,

    I neither said anything about Dave S or mentioned him originally, I offered advice to Wright, and Dave attacked me. His snide remark basically insinuated that my advice should be ignored because he thinks I am a bitter inexperienced writer. That is not the case. I was trying to help Wright because of the feedback I knew he was going to receive. I responded in kind because I am tired of personal attacks.

  8. #28
    Busy Lizzy
    Guest

    Re: Constructive Criticism

    I'm not you schoolmarm who makes sure you kids are "good". You know exactly what I mean.

    And now, children, kiss and make up and then run along and play!

  9. #29
    Chris Redd
    Guest

    Re: Constructive Criticism

    Ewwwwwwwwwww cooties

  10. #30
    Jean Bonifacios
    Guest

    Re: Constructive Criticism

    Firstly Chris, it's Rogue Mutt NOT Rouge Mutt. Jeez!

    And back to the topic...I did take the time to read your "bio" before diving in with your post. I agree that the dialogue isn't very realistic but my kid is only 11 so I might be wrong.

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