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  1. #11
    jayce
    Guest

    Re: Please critique. :)

    Some agents rank high among their pet peeves any opening in which someone wakes up and goes downstairs for breakfast.

    And did your MC really hear "...the skin on my elbows and knees rip"?

    Other than that, what the others said.

    Suggest you get Sol Stein's "On Writing."

    Good luck.



  2. #12
    Gregory White
    Guest

    Re: Please critique. :)

    I'm going to have to agree with Nan's critique because after I spent the entire time reading the excerpt my first thought was....who gives a @!#$?

    It's just boring everyday stuff and idle chit-chat. Get on with the JUICE of the story or hint to it. Or, does the story have any juice? If not, get some. Make Caleb gay or something....

    Play the "what if?" game with your story and characters. The sky is the limit.

    Gregory

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