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  1. #11
    Grandmaster Sik

    Re: Short Prelude, looking for critique.

    I just wrote an incredibly long reply, onl when I clicked on the POST button, I was erroneously informed that I'd not been logged in and have now lost all text.
    I can't be bothered to do it all again, but questions are always accompanied by question marks - even rhetorical questions, you need to provide a little discription of action/setting and not rely so much on your rigid dialogue.

    I'm actually pretty p*ssed off now that I just sat here for twenty minutes writing that response for nought!
    I should C&V my posts from now on to prevent this...

  2. #12

    Re: Short Prelude, looking for critique.

    Just my opinion, feel free to ignore:

    It's boring. It's been done. Please don't use it.

  3. #13
    Nan Hammond

    Re: Short Prelude, looking for critique.

    Grandmaster Silk:

    When it does that hit the Back arrow button and it'll go to the previous page, writing and all then just copy, log in and paste.

    learned the hard way too....

  4. #14
    Grandmaster Sik

    Re: Short Prelude, looking for critique.

    ^I tried that.. perhaps my browser just timed out or something...?
    What got me most annoyed was that I'd taken the time to recreate the scene (as an example only) with description and less dialogue, then made pointers. Oh well.
    It's still strange though how one can't get to type a reply without being logged in, yet I got that message...

    On topic:
    No offence to Lesley, but in that kind of situation, who's to say that Max wouldn't intentionally sacrifice himself to save Addie?
    What you [Shane] really need to work on is the descriptive element, then iron out your dialogue - make less of it, detail some emotion in the way it's delivered or how they look at each other whilst speaking.

    I've not been on these pages for a while as I've been busy with my own novel (on page 196 now), but it is nice to come back and still see some regular names - especially since I've always been intermittent at best here. Lesley's proven herself to be intelligent and somewhat insightful, however, I think her words were meant in the same way as mine, only misconstrued since she forgot to add as it is after "Please don't use it".

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