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  1. #11
    Jay Elwood Seymour
    Guest

    Re: My Chapter 1 ~ I would your thoughts.

    Thank you for your thoughts. I'm gonna give it a bit of work and repost it (this time with better spacing).

    I know that you have probably all heard this before, but my other chapters are a CRAP load better. You are all ABSOLUTLEY right when it comes to showing and not telling. I found it very easy to show and not tell in the other chapters, mostly because I had already told what I needed to tell. My first chapter has been my bane because I need to get across certain information before I can start.

    I'm definitely gonna take this to heart and do a nice rewrite. Then I will post it and make it look better (especially now that I know what it will do)

    Thanks again.



  2. #12
    jayce
    Guest

    Re: My Chapter 1 ~ I would your thoughts.

    ...my other chapters are a CRAP load better.

    Perhaps now you can understand why agents can tell so much from those first five pages. Many, many, many beginning writers find it difficult to open their story without loading those first pages down with backstory.

  3. #13
    Joe Zeff
    Guest

    Re: My Chapter 1 ~ I would your thoughts.

    In general, nom, I agree with you. However, I have a friend who's been earning his living as a writer for over twenty years, and decided to self-publish his novel. Being a professional, he's doing it right: he's started a separate business for it (Brass Cannon Publishing) he's made sure that the printing and binding is as good as it would be with a more traditional publisher and he's doing everything he can to promote it. Knowing him as I do, I doubt you'd find grammar, spelling or other basic flaws in his book. But then, he's the exception, isn't he?

  4. #14
    Rogue Mutt
    Guest

    Re: My Chapter 1 ~ I would your thoughts.

    Why is self-publishing so prevalent in the music industry and yet in writing it's such a taboo?

  5. #15
    larry moses
    Guest

    Re: My Chapter 1 ~ I would your thoughts.

    Author: Debra Storky (---.proxy.aol.com)
    Date: 08-12-08 09:30

    Too many adjectives. Too many adverbs. Too much telling and not enough showing.




    Boy, am I in trouble? I have pages and pages of narration in my story. Isn't it better to tell certain things than to show?

    Christmas was just three weeks away. Jessie's co-workers were abuzz with plans for the employee's party. They were describing the outfits they'd be wearing, the type of hair style they'd be sporting, and who would be coming solo as some husbands and boyfriends never escorted their wives or girlfriends to the big event. Jessie sighed. She could not afford to buy a new outfit or visit the beauty salon. She couldn't tell when last she'd bought a new pair of shoes or even underwear.


    This is telling. Should I be showing instead?

  6. #16
    Jay Elwood Seymour
    Guest

    Re: My Chapter 1 ~ I would your thoughts.

    Jayce - you are absolutely right.

    You may now all call your attention to another topic where I have reposted the first part (chapter one has three parts).

    I like is SOOOO much better. It more accurately reflects how the rest of the book is written.

  7. #17
    jayce
    Guest

    Re: My Chapter 1 ~ I would your thoughts.

    Larry:

    Show don't tell. Your excerpt could be handled more effectively through dialog, letting the characters bring out the essential information. BUT--big but--it must contribute to the stream of essential story beats; if it's not essential, if you're just clearing your throat, get rid of it.

    (BTW, it's proper form to start your own thread.)

  8. #18
    larry moses
    Guest

    Re: My Chapter 1 ~ I would your thoughts.

    I'm sorry Jay. I didn't think of starting a new thread. thanks jayce. I have a lot of dialoging to do now. Shoot me in the head! lol

  9. #19
    the cat came back
    Guest

    Re: My Chapter 1 ~ I would your thoughts.

    Why is self-publishing so prevalent in the music industry and yet in writing it's such a taboo?

    Because the quality of the music is usually better than the quality of the writing. Most of the indie music is put out by people who are already getting paid to perform in clubs, and it's an extension of that to sell their CDs to the crowd.

    As opposed to someone writing by himself dreaming of grander things.

  10. #20
    Jena Grace
    Guest

    Re: My Chapter 1 ~ I would your thoughts.

    Sorry, but two words come to mind: information dump.

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