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  1. #1
    alvin atwater
    Guest

    not going to name this thread, just a fantasy genre chapter 4 of some story

    CHAPTER FOUR___________________________

    The next day, Lina and I, found ourselves standing in a red painted circle at the old train station. Kian appeared out of nowhere, scaring the crap out of us. He had his wooden staff grasped in his hand as if he was getting ready to use it. He held it high into the air and looked at us.

    “Are you ready to go to East Yuri?” he asked. We nodded our heads. “Then we shall proceed.” I glanced at the red circle which was also glowing. The next thing I knew, we were in a different place –a way different place.
    We were in what appeared to be a city area. The folks of this place had white hair and red eyes. There were very few cars, but the ones I happened to spot were very weird looking. The buildings of the city, oh man, they were in all kinds of crazy shapes. Some looked like cheerios and some looked like giant pyramids. There were a few normal looking buildings, but only a few. But what scared me the most was the fact that some of the buildings were floating. Looking around, the sky and the sun were the same the same. But, there were also blue trees and strange creatures that flew around them. There were even odd inhuman creatures wandering around.
    Kiagra faced us.
    “This is Lipon City, East Yuri,” he informed us. “It’s time you two explore your kingdom. We will go to the headquarters at five o’ clock. Until then, I’ll let you explore.”

    “You can’t just leave us,” I objected. “We might get hungry, lost or whatever.”

    “Would you let me finish?” he demanded. “I’ll leave you with some money. You two explore this city and then at five, meet me back at this red circle.” I glanced down and noticed that the red circle had followed us from Lowin City all the way here.

    “Jake, look at that,” Lina shouted as she pointed at a flying creature. The creature was tiny with housefly wings, pointy ears and sparks around its feet.

    “Kian what is that?” I asked.
    “Fairy,” he answered simply. “There are two types of them; dark and light. Try avoiding the dark ones. They’re evil, liars, and can trick you into doing something that you would regret.”

    “Enough of this standing,” Kian said. “Let’s walk.” He waved his staff gently and a small bag appeared in his hand. He handed me the bag. It was filled with gold coins. “I gave you both two thousand malos,” he explained. “So spend it wisely.”

    “Can’t you just create some money with magic?” I asked with a secret plan emerging.

    “Real malos are created by the royalties of Yuri Kingdom. They are created with special barriers so that they can’t be counterfeited.”

    For about a half hour, Kian showed us around Lipon City. He took us inside many of the weird buildings, even a few of the floating ones! They were scary at first, but it turned out they felt like elevators

    After the leaving a giant pyramid building, Kian led us to a restaurant called Wasto’s. The place was huge inside! There were many Phillisins. I began to worry about the food they might serve at this restaurant. I hoped the food they served wouldn’t be too weird. What if I got something like a cat on a stick on maybe or an unidentifiable creature stewed up alive. I started to tell Kian I wasn’t hungry when I noticed that the food they brought was normal. The waiter served us whatever we wanted; pizza, turkey, pie, cake.

    After eating, Kian walked us out of the restaurant and then stood before us.

    “I’m going to leave you two alone now,” he said. “Meet back at the red circle at five o’ clock. Jake, just use your watch, the time here is almost the same as Lowin City’s.” Kian held his staff high into the air. “Once you get used to this place on your own, you wouldn’t have to worry about a tour guide.” He vanished, leaving us behind.
    Now what?
    That’s what my brain was screaming: Now what?

    “So where do you want to go?” I asked Lina.
    She sighed.

    “We could just walk down the sidewalks until we find something interesting.”

    “Works for me,” I replied.

    So for a couple of hours Lina and I journeyed through the amazing streets of Lipon City. Throughout the hours, the thing that raged through my mind the most was: why don’t the Phillisins have cars? How do they travel? I knew I was going to find out soon.

    As more carefree minutes passed, we came to a street that had some kids playing chase and tag like normal earth kids. There were three of them, two boys and one girl. One boy was tall and the other short. As we neared, they turned to look at us.

    “Hey,” the tall boy called. “I haven’t saw you two around here before, are you travelers?” Before I had the chance to open my mouth, the boy interrupted me. “I’ve read your minds. You two half Phillisins are exploring. I think you are here to cause trouble.” He declared. He held his hand above his head and had the palm of facing the sky. “You know, I don’t like half breeds.”
    I watched the boy’s movements carefully. All of sudden, a light blue glow, flashed around him. Lina and I took a step backwards. Then what happened next scared the heck out of me! A white glowing ball formed and hovered over his palm. It was about the size of a soccer ball and looked like a miniature version of the sun. “Now take this you half breeds; ball of enspectio.” The boy tossed the ball toward me. I dove out the way.

    “Hey!” Lina roared at the boy, “that wasn’t nice.”

    “Who cares?” the boy snickered. The short boy and the girl were laughing. Enraged, I jumped up from the ground, dashed toward the boy, and slugged him so hard that he hit the ground.

    “Jake,” Lina shouted at me, “don’t hurt him, he’s just a–”

    The boy jumped up and tried to kick me. Thanks to my martial arts knowledge, I was able to block it and throw him backwards.

    “I won’t be beat by a halfa!” he yelled as he charged toward me and started punching wildly. I dodged his fists and kicked him in the chest. I really didn’t mean to hurt a kid, but when you’re dealing with a wizard instead of a human, you have to take things up a notch. The boy paused.
    “You two don’t know a thing about magic! How come I can’t hit you?”

    “Fighting is not magic,” I said. “You don’t need magic to fight.”

    “Whatever,” the boy snorted. “Who are you two, anyway?”

    “Why don’t you use your mind reading powers?” I said sarcastically.

    “I will,” he muttered and then closed his eyes for about two seconds. Suddenly his eyes burst back open and he dropped on his knees as if we were royalty!

    “I’m sorry, I’m really am!” he cried. “I promised I will never disrespect you again.”
    I began to wonder what his problem was. Did he think I was a prince or something?

    “What’s gotten into you kid?” I said. “Is it a trick?”

    “No,” the boy signaled for his friends to also get on their knees. “You two are the duo of destiny–our saviors.”



  2. #2
    Joe Zeff
    Guest

    The thread with no name

    “Are you ready to go to East Yuri?” he asked. We nodded our heads. “Then we shall proceed.”

    I see this type of comment very often in stories, but I've never heard it in Real Life(tm). "Let's go," or something less formal would probably be better here, unless that's part of the speaker's normal speech pattern.

  3. #3
    Keith .
    Guest

    Re: The thread with no name

    Well, I liked the thread title.

  4. #4
    Xavier Onassis
    Guest

    Re: The thread with no name

    Me too. I was really relieved it wasn't the Duo of Destiny.

    XO

  5. #5
    The Midnight Writer
    Guest

    Re: The thread with no name

    First line comma abuse! No commas around Lina and I-be sure to proofread and learn your rules.

  6. #6
    alvin atwater
    Guest

    Re: The thread with no name

    thanks of all of the helpful comments,
    appreciate it.


    The commas around 'Lina and i' were accidental,
    in other words, woops C:

  7. #7
    alvin atwater
    Guest

    Re: The thread with no name

    see this type of comment very often in stories, but I've never heard it in Real Life(tm). "Let's go," or something less formal would probably be better here, unless that's part of the speaker's normal speech pattern.
    To Jeff:

    I thought Kian should have a wise old sage-like speech pattern, since he's not from earth,
    but thanks for the comment,

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