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  1. #1
    Paradise Wolf
    Guest

    I accept constructive criticism and advice on my way of conveying ideas.

    As I already said, English is my third language and this is an unpretentious text posted in a forum, hurriedly written and without any literary concern. So, beforehand I would like to know if the text below communicates my ideas clearly.

    Only later on, you could also add comments and advice on style, grammar, etc.

    Any constructive opinion is welcome.


    Text:

    What I will be saying next is based on my personal educational experiences in Brazil as student ( from year 1962 to 1980 ). However, since such educational system is copied from European and American educational models I assume ( hopefully not wrongly ) that my criticism could be extended to Europe and USA. Furthermore, based on some sparse information it seems that such educational paradigms remain basically the same still today.

    Surely most people are not specially gifted with high levels of useful creativity, sharp, precise and tireless logical reasoning and predictive intuition.

    But that does not mean that the Educational System should be so dull and inefficient that kills even the median creativity of the average student.

    Far worst than that, the insipience, uncreativeness and dogmatic rigidity of the educational methods amounts to an endless psychological torture to enthusiastic, bright and highly creative students.

    The educational curriculum is NOT planned to stimulate students’ creativity and critical thinking.
    Instead, it sees students as mere passive information storing machines. Passive memorization is rewarded well above than original thinking ( if it is rewarded at all ).

    The educational system is more concerned on coaching students to be passive and obedient citizens who obey authorities uncritically.

    To aggravate even more the situation, most teachers are not endowed with real talent for teaching. Very few teachers know how to spark enthusiasm, creativity and impeccable logical reasoning in students. Very few of them inspire and deeply enlighten their students.

    For my astonishment, University was even worst. The enormous amount of almost irrelevant information that I had to swallow and the number of boring and mediocre lectures that I had to attend was atrocious. And this happened in the best university of my country !

    Surely, perhaps it is expected that not-very creative people to be happy with such system. So I would not be surprised to find some people who support it.

    So, I would like to listen your opinion about the educational system and if, you are also unhappy with it, what are your proposals for improving it?

    ( I, for instance, think that the basics of the scientific method and critical thinking should efficiently taught and exercised since the beginning of the secondary school period ).

    Does somebody knows about the educational models of eastern developed countries like Japan, South Korea, etc ?



  2. #2
    Ce Ce
    Guest

    Re: I accept constructive criticism and advice on my way of conveying ideas.

    It's a rant against an existing educational system.

    So?

  3. #3
    The Midnight Writer
    Guest

    Re: I accept constructive criticism and advice on my way of conveying ideas.

    "hurriedly written and without any literary concern"

    So why are you asking for criticism? I don't want to see your first drafts--give me a good, solid revised copy before you ask for help refining it.

  4. #4
    The Midnight Writer
    Guest

    Re: I accept constructive criticism and advice on my way of conveying ideas.

    And get some research and cite some sources, otherwise, this piece is just an opinion.

    -Midnight.

  5. #5
    Paradise Wolf
    Guest

    Re: I accept constructive criticism and advice on my way of conveying ideas.

    The Midnight Writer, being english my third language means that I have a lot to learn before being capable to write a final piece of work.

    That is why I need help even in my first writing steps.

    And yes, it is mostly my opinion ( based on my personal experience ) but I found a lot of people who have similar views and I vaguely remember that some intellectual luminaries have made similar criticism to the educational system.

  6. #6
    Paradise Wolf
    Guest

    Re: I accept constructive criticism and advice on my way of conveying ideas.

    Well, since nobody complained about the clarity of the text then I accept any criticism on style, sentences building and even grammar.

  7. #7
    Ce Ce
    Guest

    Re: I accept constructive criticism and advice on my way of conveying ideas.

    PW, it's fairly impossible for anyone to critique "work" you fail to define.

    What is this intended to be? An essay? For what market? Practice? For what type of writing?

    It's admirable that you wish your English writing to have clarity, but this forum isn't exactly an English school; we're writers, many of us working writers (this is a source if not the source of income for us) and we try to help each other out.

    What, exactly, do you expect from us?

  8. #8
    The Midnight Writer
    Guest

    Re: I accept constructive criticism and advice on my way of conveying ideas.

    While I admire your desire to grow proficient in your third language, I'm reading for content and craft. This piece is an opinion. Things other people have told you in conversational discussions are also opinions, regardless of the level of education of the speaker. Get statistics, interviews, facts, long-term analyses, etc to back up your claims. Otherwise, as Ce Ce said, it's just a rant.

  9. #9
    Paradise Wolf
    Guest

    Re: I accept constructive criticism and advice on my way of conveying ideas.

    TMW, I am lost with your comment.

    Writers are supposed to be concerned with the art of writing when analyzing or criticizing someone else’s written work.

    Therefore, regarding to the content of my text, the only pertinent criticism is about the existence or not of clarity, elegance and appropriate choice of words.
    If the content is just a personal, controversial, eccentric or collective opinion or, conversely, a thesis thoroughly supported by solid scientific evidence - is totally irrelevant as literary analysis.

    This forum is supposed to have mostly writers as participants, not a peer review scientific panel of educational scientists or educational psychologists ( if that is what I wanted, I am sure that I would find more suitable forums ).

    By the way, more than 90% of literature is mostly about opinions, and personal or collective beliefs. Only a small fraction is about serious scientific literature.

    Therefore, even if my text was just an “opinion” ( and I do not think it is just that ), based in the current literary standards, it would still be a literary work.
    And, obviously, everyone has right to have an opinion.

    If you are not willing to help me for any reason, you do not need to elaborate any such strange justification. Do not waste your precious time. You probably will find better posts to respond to.


    Anyway, thank you for your effort so far.

  10. #10
    Sail Away
    Guest

    Re: I accept constructive criticism and advice on my way of conveying ideas.

    PW,

    Your sentence constructions are rough in some places.

    I suggest you read more english language text. Learn where and how to use casual sentence constructions. Your writing is "off" just enough to make it difficult for your reader to concentrate on the substance instead of trying to figure out why it doesn't read "right".

    I hesitate to devle deeper. Don't want to be accused of elaborating any strange justifications or wasting my precious time.

    Good luck with this.

    -SA

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