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  1. #1
    L Bea

    Sex as a starter - Please weigh in

    I'd love for you guys to weigh in on this. I'm working on another piece which is kinda out there. What are your opinions on starting with sex or something quite explicit? Something like... (this is a serious piece -- not porn -- not titilation for titilation's sake). Do you need something more personal about her before this? Her name, what she looks like? Do you need to feel connected to her first in order to take this serious?

    It ended like it always did. She was sweating and shakey, but the throbbing was nothing like she'd hoped. She fought back tears and the compulsion to go again to obtain more--to climax even harder. She knew it was no use. No matter how many times, no matter the extremes she went to, she could never feel satisfied. She felt empty. Alone.


  2. #2
    Jennifer Million

    Re: Sex as a starter - Please weigh in

    there is a book called Butterfly. It is a really great book, about revenge but the beginning of the book starts off with a sexual scene.

    I think you are on track. Pick up the book the Butterfly I forget the author I am sorry but I think it will help a little.

  3. #3
    Patrick Edwards

    Re: Sex as a starter - Please weigh in

    L, your opening is pretty good. Damn good. I thought you were gonna start off with something like:

    Johnny lifted one of her legs and dug in as deep as he could. Carmelita moaned as loudly as she was able, what with her breathing incapacitated for the moment, and then she spread her other leg for him. He pulled out slowly and, then, inch by inch, buried himself within her lusciousness....

    But the way you began isn't "bad" at all; in fact, it comes as off as one of those Harlequin Romances (and the like) would. And it's very well written.

  4. #4
    di lynn

    Re: Sex as a starter - Please weigh in

    I am no expert on writing love scenes, but I thought yours was tasteful and seemed to convey the message of unfulfillment that I think you were going for.

    Patrick's...let's just say I would have to nominate yours for The Literary Review Bad Sex in Fiction Award...an award given annually to the author who produces the worst description of a sex scene in a novel. (haha)

    That being said, you all always say an opening scene must start with action and sex is definitely action. Regarding knowing more about the woman first, I don't think that is necessary. You learn a lot from her from this passage and she is instantly relatable to many women, unfortunately!

  5. #5
    Carmel C

    Re: Sex as a starter - Please weigh in

    Woe Bea, go girl.

    Patrick WHAT are you saying? How dare you! Leave me out of your sad, badly written fantasies. Carmelita indeed!


  6. #6
    Arden Wolfe

    Re: Sex as a starter - Please weigh in

    Sex sells ... and I like it.

    Bitch Posse does something similar in the start of that books as well. Hell, I bought it because of that opening ... no pun intended.

    Now, back to lurker mode on this board.


  7. #7
    L Bea

    Re: Sex as a starter - Please weigh in

    Smarden -- What a cooincidence, I'm in the process of reading Bitch Posse right now. Love the beginning. This is different though.

    What if I told you she was talking about masturbation? Can you tell? Do I need to clarify? It will be clear soon, but when you read this, are you thinking sex with another partner?? And not whatever it is that she "may" be doing?????

    It may not matter really. This is a woman who is unsatisfied and probably would be that way with a partner (????). She can't seem to get what it is she "needs."


  8. #8
    Patrick Edwards

    Re: Sex as a starter - Please weigh in


    BTW: L, now that you mention it, I can definitely see that she's masturbating. That's pretty damn good how you "sneak" that through....

  9. #9
    Grandmaster Batzier

    Re: Sex as a starter - Please weigh in

    I think it's amazing. It's sexy without being porno and you definately get the feeling that you need.

    And teenage porn seeker will definately skim the pages of this book.

    And any romance/ whatever reader will definately read it.

    So I say keep it (maybe give her a toy though.)HAHAHAHAH.

    She pulled the string of her specially made 18 inch purple pocket rocket. Her eyes lit up as the vibrations almost pulled it from her hand. She plunged it deep into her only to find that the batteries had died.



    The not a big romace reader,

  10. #10
    Xavier Onassis

    Re: Sex as a starter - Please weigh in


    hhhhhuhhuh. huh. you said titilation. huhhuh.


    hhhhhuhuh. huh.

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