HomeWritersLiterary AgentsEditorsPublishersResourcesDiscussion
Forum Login | Join the discussion
+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 34
  1. #1
    alvin atwater

    Formatted and number paragraphs duo of destiny chap two

    (CHAPTER 2: THE TOURNAMENT) Is this better? I even numbered the paragraphs

    (1)EIGHT YEARS LATER is where our story will really take place, when Jake and Lina are both seventeen years old.

    The legend says what happened at this fighting tournament had change their lives forever.

    (2)This chapter begins at Lina’s house. It’s eight o’ clock in the morning. Her alarm suddenly blasted off. Lina quickly jumped out of bed and looked at the clock. “Oh no I’m late!” she rushed into the bathroom and quickly brushed her teeth. After brushing her teeth, she threw on a blue shirt and some jeans, dashed in front of her mirror and began combing her long brown hair.

    3. After that, she quickly dashed downstairs and ate down a bowl of cereal. Lina’s aunt Becky happened to walk into the kitchen. “Lina, you forgot to set your clock an hour back didn’t you” she said. “Oops” replied Lina feeling humiliated.

    4.“You still have twenty five minutes to get to school and still have time to hang around with your friends” aunt Becky insured, “ and plus Jake would never walk to school by himself without you.” “I guess I’m still tired from studying for my history test all last night” added Lina.

    5.“Well anyway, I’m going to go head off to work, so have fun in school today.” Aunt Becky then dashed out the door and into her car then pulled off. Lina went back upstairs to make sure her school supplies were good and intact.

    6.About a few minutes later, she heard a knock on her door. When she answered it, Jake was standing outside waiting for her. “Are you ready to go?” asked Jake. “Hold on” replied Lina, “I have to go get my book bag.” When Lina finally charged back out the door, they then walked toward Lowin City High from that point.

    7.In the middle of the walk, Jake started up his section of the conversation. “Guess what” he said in a questioning voice, “I’m going to enter the Dark Pirate Fighting Tournament."

    8. “Are you even old enough?” replied Lina. “Yep” said Jake, “But I have to qualify and show the officials I can actually fight.” “I think it’s too dangerous” replied Lina in a mother’s voice, “all of the best fighters and murderers enter that tournament and nearly kill each other.”

    9.“You worry too much” bragged Jake, “I’ll be fine. And besides, I’ve got you a ticket to come watch me win.” “Bu…- “Lina you’ve known me since we were nine and of course I have nearly perfected my martial art skills.” “You’re just too over confident, Jake, you could wind up like most of those fighters; in the hospital or dead.” Upon arguing the duo finally arrived at school.

    10.The duo walked into the front doors of the school to have their ears blown out by the noise of the crowd. Instantly Lina was surrounded by her friends. “I’ll see you at lunch Jake” shouted Lina over the crowd.

    11.“Okay then later” replied Jake in the same shouting manner. Jake quickly joined his friends who were waiting for him by his locker. His friends were John and Thomas. He and his friends have always hung out together no matter what someone has to say.

    12.Jake of course was one of the most popular guys in school and following him would be his friends. “So have you made any move on Lina yet?” asked John. Jake was silenced, “whatcha waiting for” said Thomas, “you two are bound to go out anyway.” “Listen,” Jake said, “When I do make a move, I want to make it right and not look like a total jackass of myself.”

    13.“Awe come on” said John, “it’s now or never.” Before Jake’s friends had more time to rag on him, the school bell suddenly rung. “Well I better get going before Mr. Halldom assigns me extra geometry work for being late,” Jake said quickly. During lunch Jake and Lina sat together.

    14. They both were exhausted from the entire school day. “What’s up with your classes today?’ Jake asked Lina. “Mrs. Wella’s giving me a hard time again.” “Well she’s always a grumpy old bag” replied Jake. “No don’t look at her that way” Lina defended, “she has just lost her granddaughter and now she’s having a hard time getting use to talking to girls her age.” A group of girls walked up beside Jake.

    15. Tina, the ringleader of the five girls, handed Jake and Lina an invitation. “So Jake are you coming to my party Saturday” she asked. “Naw” replied Jake, “I have plans.” “Pleeeeaaasssseeee” the girls cried. “Sorry but plans are plans” replied Jake.

    16. Lina was secretly relieved. She didn’t enjoy Tina sobbing and falling all over Jake. Every time Tina was near Jake, Lina would nearly erupt like a volcano. After school, they walked home together. School was over for the weekend, and now all that was left was this tournament.

    17.But what was awaiting Jake? Did he have any clue what he was getting himself into? Lina hugged Jake goodbye after the walk, then went inside her house. Lina walked into the living room with her usual ‘I’m bored’ expression and straight upstairs. Meanwhile just a couple of blocks away were Tina and her friends. They were planning to jump Lina due to there jealousy of her and Jake.

    18.Tina was one of the most popular girls in school. Behind her back, many people see her as annoying and nothing but a spoiled rich girl. Even her own friends talk about her. “We’ll get her on Sunday” Tina told her friends. “Why Sunday?” replied one of her friends. “Because Jake and she will be out tomorrow” replied Tina. The next day Jake woke up all excited by the tournament.

    19.He couldn’t wait to show the crowd what he could do and since there were no rules, he can use his ultimate weapon. He quickly washed up and ate a health bowl of wheat cereal to acknowledge his health.

    20. He then called Lina’s cell phone to see if she wanted to eat out after the tournament. Of course he already knew the answer was going to be yes. “I’ll borrow my mom’s car” he told her. Instantly from that point, Jake rushed into his mom’s car and straight over Lina’s house. When he picked Lina up, he then drove toward the tournament.

    21.During the drive Lina kept constantly looking at the tournament’s brochure and plus had a nervous tension. “Jake” she said in a confessing voice, “I have to tell you something.” “What is it?” asked Jake. “Well I had this weird dream that today our lives were going to be changed forever. There was your mother sitting in a red chair beside me telling me to be on the look out for some guy named Kiagra.”

    22.“Who?” Jake replied in a sarcastic like voice. “Some guy named Kiagra” replied Lina. “Well no need to worry, because I still can handle anything” bragged Jake, “and when I win this tournament, our lives will change forever.” “You’re giving yourself a little too much confidence” enforced Lina, “this tournament is a non rule tournament.

    23.You can get shot, sliced, or evened hammered to death.” “Don’t forget that I’ve got my flash blast attack” bragged Jake, “Have you forgotten already?” Lina felt humiliated. She did actually forget about Jake’s special attack, and since the tournament had no rules, Jake could use it any time in the fight. After a half hour of driving, they finally made it to the tournament building.

    24.They were practically in the middle of the woods. The tournament building from the outside basically looked like a football stadium. But why build a death tournament so professionally.

    25.Jake and Lina stepped out of the car. They looked around to see crowds of people handing the ticket manager their tickets. “This building’s huge” said Lina. “And the prize money iiiiissssss…” “Oh what is it already” blurted Lina. “Five hundred and fifty thousand dollars in cash!” replied Jake in an excited voice.

    26.“Sweet!” cheered Lina, “let’s go inside before all the seats are taken up.” “Oh don’t worry about that” replied Jake, “I’ve gotten you VIP tickets."

    27. “Alright!” cheered Lina, “now I want to see you kick some butt” “I will” replied Jake in a confident voice, “I definitely will.” After handing the ticket master her tickets, Lina took a seat into a specialized row that had very comfortable chairs and the best view. “Cant wait to see Jake fight” Lina told a woman near her.

    28. “Is he your boyfriend or something?” replied the woman. “Kind of,” replied Lina with a smile. Lina watched the ring as the fight was getting ready to start. The referee walked up the small steps and onto the ring. He then yelled, “The first fight will begin now!” Two fighters then entered the ring determined to duke it out. They were fierce huge body builders looking like they were ex murders.

    29.Two fights later, the referee announced two names. The names were Jake and Ike. Jake entered the ring, holding his arms up with confidence. Then out of the opponent’s passage way was a huge muscular black-haired man who seemed as big a bus.

    30. “OH GOD!” screamed Lina out of the crowd. “Looks like your boyfriend is going to suffer himself a beating” the woman laughed. Jake smiled, “have you ever heard of fear” he told Ike. “Don’t taunt me” Ike replied, “now be prepared to die.” “Let the match begin!” shouted the referee.

    31. Lina’s heart began pounding with nervousness. Ike started off the fight by charging after Jake but missing his punch. Jake instantly countered him by knocking him down with his dragon kick move.

    32.Jake then grabbed Ike’s leg and swung him around then throwing him onto the hard floors of the ring. The crowd gasped being surprised that Jake was actually winning a fight with someone ten times the size of him. Ike struggled to stand up.

    33.“Have you been taking steroids kid?” Ike taunted. He then charged toward Jake and made an attempt to punch Jake in the face but Jake ducked then finished the fight by countering with his dragon kick move and knocking Ike completely unconscious.

    34. “Wow this kid is amazing” cheered the referee, “I’ve never saw a kid fight so strong.” “He did it!” Lina cheered. In addition, from that fight, Lina no longer felt worried about Jake’s safety, but instead she just cheered him on. Jake second fight was once again against another muscular man.

    35.Jake once again took on his fight fearless having no single doubt in his mind. As he fought off his battles, the referee became impressed more and more. The crowd couldn’t wait to see another match of Jake’s. Finally it came down to the finals. Jake looked at the match up paper to see who was going to be his competitor. The paper read: Kiagra.

    36. “Wait a sec, this is the name Lina spoken to me about” he said to himself, “he’s got to be strong to make it this far.” All of sudden a man with dreadlocks, who looked to be slightly older then Jake appeared out of the passageway. Upon observation, he had those odd green eyes that half or disguised phillisins have.

    37.When he stepped onto the stage the referee began announcing their names. When Lina heard the name “Kiagra” she began to feel nervous. She was now viewing something that was warned from by dreams. But what could this fighter mean? Kiagra looked at Jake and then had a surprised look.

    38.“He looks like Norm” Kiagra thought, “but could this really be his grandson? He is a phillisin but that means this must be Jessica Kanime’s son. I must test this kid and see.” “Before we begin” said the referee, “please applaud these two fighters for making this far.” The crowd then began applauding loudly.

    39. Lina among the crowd was cheering for Jake all the way. “Okay let the fight commence!” shouted the referee. “Okay this is my victory” said Jake. “Oh we’ll see about that kid” replied Kiagra.

    40.Kiagra then took on a boxing style-fighting stance. Seeing to Kiagra taking on his fighting stance, Jake took on his. He then dashed toward Kiagra and attempted a punch but Kiagra easily dodged it and then countered it with a kick, knocking Jake backwards.

    41.Kiagra then held out his right hand on the side of him and yelled “come to me my staff.” All of sudden a wooden staff appeared in his right hand. “Whoa how did you do that?” said Jake in an amazed voice. “Better concentrate on the task ahead of you instead of worrying about distractions” replied Kiagra. Jake once again made an attempt to punch Kiagra but Kiagra ducked and then tripped him using his staff.

    42.“Is that all you got?” taunted Kiagra. Jake quickly dashed toward Kiagra once again then made an attempt to use his dragon kick attack but Kiagra easily jumped out of the way and then countered it with a upper cut, knocking Jake onto the hard floor.

    43.Jake struggled to stand up but finally managed to get a grip. “You have well balanced spiritual energy” complimented Kiagra, “but of course you have no idea what I am talking about or what you are.” Kiagra then aimed his staff at Jake.

    44.“Eat this” he taunted. All of sudden the head of his staff began to glow. Then a white blast of energy emitted from the head of his staff and giving a Jake a full blast of pain. The force of the blast knocked Jake into the air and which Jake had a painful fall. However, that didn’t take Jake out. Jake wasn’t planning on losing his chance to win five hundred thousand dollars. Jake struggled to stand up.

    45. “I knew you weren’t normal” he protested, “but you aren’t the only one who have special powers.” “Oh is that so?” said Kiagra, “how about showing me what you got?” Jake took his martial artic fighting stance then aimed both of his hands in Kiagra’s direction.

    46. “Flash blast!” he yelled. The powerful blast of energy emitted from Jake's hands and towards Kiagra and hitting him with full impact. When the smoked cleared Kiagra was still just standing in his position unscratched and unharmed. “So you are Norm’s grandson” acknowledged Kiagra.

    47.Suddenly Jake's face took on an angry expression. “How do you know my grandfather’s name, are you his killer?” “Your grandfather and I were great friends” replied Kiagra. “Anyway kid, do you know where you’re from?” “What are you talking about?” asked Jake. “Kid, you are a phillisin” replied Kiagra. “A what?” Jake said confusedly. “A phillisin”
    replied Kiagra. “It’s a long thing to explain but I’ll make it short and to the point.

    48.You are not from this dimension. You are from Yuri Kingdom and of course you’re powers are proof enough. You are not actually in your true from and for now, neither am I.

    49.But anyway I’ll explain more after this fight.” “Wait” said Jake, “what’s spiritual energy.” “I’ll explain more after I beat you” replied Kiagra. “Well bring it on” said Jake. The fight once again clashed off with Jake making another attempt to punch Kiagra, but Kiagra once again easily dodged the punch and then countered with a cross kick followed by a punch knocking Jake backwards.

    50.Jake aimed his hands at Kiagra and yelled “flash blast!” The white bright burst of energy jolted towards Kiagra once again but Kiagra wasn’t willing to give in. “Spirit shield” he yelled. All of sudden a blue force field surrounded Kiagra and shielding him from the entire blast of energy. “NO FREAKING WAY” yelled Jake. Kiagra laughed, “Do you actually think it’s that easy to defeat me, tuh, don’t make me laugh.” Jake felt steaming anger rush through him, “why don’t you take your beatings like a man” he said rushing towards Kiagra. Kiagra looked like a blur dodging Jake’s punches and then countering them.

    51. “He’s so fast” cried Jake, “there’s no way I can beat him with brute strength.” Jake once again entered the fray with Kiagra once again. “You realize that you’re no match for me right?” bragged Kiagra. “We’ll see about that” replied Jake and then suddenly managed to grab a hold of Kiagra’s dreads.

    52.Kiagra grinned, “You must think you’ve won huh?” Jake took on a surprised look, “what are you saying?” Kiagra quickly kicked Jake off of him sending him crashing onto the floor. Kiagra laughed, “You can do better than that.” Jake struggled to stand up. “Maybe I did give myself a little too much confidence, I guess Lina was right” he thought.

    53. “Ready to give up?” asked Kiagra, “you know that you have more important things that you must get answered right?” Jake still managed to keep his composure. “No, I will still fight no matter what happens.

    54.This is the final blow. My next blow will win me the fight.” Kiagra gave Jake a puzzled look “can you prove that?” Jake’s aura flashed around him but then disappeared. He then dashed toward Kiagra in an attempt to deliver a final blow, however Kiagra was just too fast and dodged the blow as if Jake was moving in slow motion.

    55.Kiagra then decided to finish off the fight by countering Jake’s attack and punching him hard enough to knock him unconscious. The crowd of course was silent the entire match. They were nearly frightened to death upon viewing energy blasts and incredible speeds. Lina looked down, “No he lost” she said to herself, “my dream was right, today was going to change our lives.” the fight was now over and Jake had lost….devastatingly.

    56.“And the winner is… KIAGRA!” yelled the referee. The crowd began wildly cheering due to the fact that they have never witnessed a better fight then this one. “This was an amazing fight” announced the referee, “the teen did put in some hard work to make it to the finals but was just no match for Kiagra!” About two hours later, Jake finally awoke. He was inside the tournament’s recovery room with Lina and Kiagra along side of him. “Are you okay kid?” asked Kiagra.

    57.“You were great” complimented Lina. “Whoa…” replied Jake, “how long have I been out?” “For just a little while” lied Kiagra, “but thank god you’re okay kid, or your grandfather would probably have never forgiven me.” Jake slammed his hands down in anger, “I can’t believe I lost” he complained, “what are you, a demon!”

    58.“Well I better start explaining things to you” said Kiagra, “but to begin with you are from Yuri kingdom.” “No I’m not” replied Jake, “you got the wrong guy. I’ve been born here and living here my whole life.” “You’re mom should’ve told you earlier, but since your mom told you the story of you’re grandfather being killed, I shouldn’t have much left to say.”

    59. “But how did you know my mom told me about that story” said Jake. “Well to begin with Jake, you are a wizard” said Kiagra, “which is male as a phillisin and you’re girlfriend here is a witch as in female as a phillisin.”

    60.“Whoa, whoa, whoa, it’s already confusing that you’ve said that I’m not from this world but what do you mean Lina?” asked Jake, “and what’s this Yuri Kingdom you keep speaking of?” Jake then stepped off of the bed he was sitting on and stood up tally on the floor. “Yuri Kingdom is where phillisins are from.

    61.It’s true that you were born here, but you two are only half phillisins anyway. I have already explained to Lina and she understands. Anyway, have you ever notice that your eye color is always different from everyone else’s? That weird green color is the color of a half phillisin.” “Okay I’m kind of on track here but are you half phillisin too?” asked Jake.

    62.“Actually phillisin’s that disguise themselves as humans choose the green eye color to let other phillisins know that we also are phillisins.

    63 I suggestion when you arrive at home today, give your mom a surprise.” “What was you’re name again?” asked Jake. “Kiagra” “Okay Kiagra, what do you want from us?” “Well you’re grandfather’s last request was that he wanted his daughter’s son to join the agents.” “What are the agents?” asked Jake.

    64. “That’s the name of wizard and witch police force” replied Kiagra, “I’m going to train you two myself and teach you how to use magic and control you spiritual energy. You two will get paid and rise through the rankings of the missions. When you get strong enough, you can take on Zar related missions.” “Who’s Zar?” asked Jake.

    65.“Your mom didn’t tell you he was the one who killed your grandfather as he betrayed the entire kingdom?” All of sudden a look of fire dashed through Jake’s eyes. “Okay Kiagra, I accept, how about you Lina?” “Well there isn’t anything else interesting in my life, so yes I do” replied Lina.

    66.“Okay it’s settled” said Kiagra shaking his dreads, “I want you two to meet me at the city’s red circle tomorrow.” “Why there?” asked Lina. “Because that red circle is actually a portal to Yuri Kingdom” replied Kiagra, “but in order to get there you must have magic. Here take my cell number.” “Wait” said Jake, “why does a wizard need a cell phone?”

    67.“Because it’s cool for one reason, another is because we need a phone system some way.” “But can’t you just use magic to contact other people?” “Look kid a phone is the way to go because I’m on earth.

    68.You don’t want to let humans find out about you’re secrets.” “But what about this tournament?” asked Jake. “Look” said Kiagra, “everybody at this tournament thinks your moves are done by either bombs or some weapon of some sort, nobody actually believes in magic.

    69. And besides, everyone will forget anyway since this tournament is actually illegal. Why do you think its way back in the woods leading in the middle of nowhere? Anyway here’s my number.” Kiagra handed Jake and Lina a piece of paper with a phone number on it.

    70.“Just dial me up tomorrow when you’re ready to go to Yuri Kingdom.” “Okay then we will have to go” said Jake, “it’s 5:00 and mom’s expecting me to be home soon since I wasn’t home all day.” “Don’t forget” said Kiagra and then suddenly he vanished. “He wasn’t lying” said Jake, “we really are from Yuri Kingdom, but wait what are your powers.”

    71.“He still has to train me” replied Lina, “now let’s go home.”
    After Jake got home, his mom was just finishing dinner. “Well you know now huh?” she said. “But why didn’t you tell me years ago” replied Jake. “I wanted to have a normal human family, but things are different now” said Mrs. Kanime, “I can no longer run away from the past and I cannot hold you from your future.”

    72.“Di- “Yes I know about Lina too” interrupted Mrs. Kanime. “Come on let’s go in the back yard, I want to teach you some things about your powers.” Mrs. Kanime led Jake into the back yard. “Okay before you can use magic, you must have your spirit energy intact” explained Mrs. Kanime.

    73.Before Mrs. Kanime had the chance to start explaining to Jake about magic a car pulled through the driveway. The one coming out of the car was Mr. Kanime. He had decided to get off of work early. Inside his hand in was carrying a small and thing rectangle black box. “Honey I’m home” he shouted.

    74.“I guess you’re going to have to get training from Kiagra” whispered Mrs. Kanime. “You mean you haven’t told dad?” Jake replied in a whispering voice.

    75.“I told you, I wanted a regular human life, not a chaotic drama filled life” Mrs. Kanime whispered back, “and besides your dad might think I’m a freak and then- “Dad loves you no matter what” Jake interrupted. “You’re right” said Mrs. Kanime. She then rushed to into the living room to greet Mr. Kanime as he walked in.

    76.He then handed her the box. When she opened the box, there was a golden necklace with a cross for its charm. The necklace was 24k of course. “Happy anniversary” he greeted and then right in the midst of Jake’s view they kissed. “Mom, dad” Jake announced, “how about you two go out to dinner or something.” “I have reservations at Brosco’s already” said Mr. Kanime said. Brosco’s was one of the fanciest and expensive restaurants in all of California. “Okay let’s get ready then” Mrs. Kanime replied.

  2. #2
    Patrick Edwards

    Re: Formatted and number paragraphs duo of destiny chap two

    Alvin, way too much posted. And, please take out the numbers (they negate any continuity you might have in your excerpt). As long as you have a space between each paragraph, you're all good.

    P.S. If the Notepad suggestion on your previous thread is not your cup of tea, you can always post within this box (when you're initially posting new thread) and go through and do the "returns" and formatting within this box.

  3. #3

    Re: Formatted and number paragraphs duo of destiny chap two


    Thanks for formatting. It's much easier to read now.

    There are a lot of grammatical and punctuation errors. I don't know if you're being lazy or if you're just unaware of the rules, but if you're serious about being a writer, you need to get them taken care of.

    Also, you change tenses, sometimes within the same sentence. Eg: He COULDN'T wait to show the crowd what he could do and since there were no rules, he CAN use his ultimate weapon...

    Each time a different person talks, you need to start a new paragraph.

    As for the storyline itself, I know this is the second chapter, but there seems to be a lot of unnecessary action and dialogue. For instance, instead of describing her brushing her teeth (twice), the clothes she's wearing, her conversation with her aunt, etc, etc, why not just have her racing down the steps with a poptart and a backpack and her aunt screaming in the background that she's going to be late? That's action. That moves the story. You're wasting the reader's time and interest on the mundane by describing every single thing she does when she wakes up.

    Anyway, that's my two cents for what it's worth. I wholeheartedly agree with what the other posters in previous threads have said. You need to read, read, read, and analyze the parts of the story that really grab your attention. Then you need to get a copy of a good grammar book.

    Hope this helps.


  4. #4
    Carmel C

    Re: Formatted and number paragraphs duo of destiny chap two

    Alvin numbering them was not necessary.

    Now is this the same story as that Eyes of Killer thing?

    I'm confused cause I didn't see Chapter 1. Either way ...

    DON'T begin with "Eight years later is where etc.. and DON'T use terms like "our story." It makes it feel like a fairy tale and who writes like that anymore.

    You need to study, study, study, then read, read, and read some more.

    Here are a few things from the beginning.

    We can't be told it's Lina's house, we have to figure it out from the story.
    Don't tell us it's 8 am. Have Lina see it's 8 am. Do you see what I mean?
    "Lina heard the alarm blast, and rolled over to turn it off. "Shoot, it's 8 am. I'm late!"

    Kill most of the "after's"; "after that's" and "then's." Just let the sequence of events unfold more naturally.

    Terms like "eat down" a bowl of cereal show you have not taken the time to read this aloud. You will catch many of the mistakes that we will point out to here on your own. Print out a hard copy. Clear your throat and start reading. Even better hand it to a well read, well spoken, 12-15 year old. When they stumble, you know you have a problem. It will also help you to hear your voice, as someone else will when they read your work.

    You need to slow down, Alvin. Pumping it out is the fun stuff, but it needs to be cleaned up before rushing to post it here.
    Good luck. Keep plugging.

  5. #5
    alvin atwater

    Re: Formatted and number paragraphs duo of destiny chap two

    thanks, this was very helpful

  6. #6

    Re: Formatted and number paragraphs duo of destiny chap two

    Her alarm suddenly blasted off.

    It had rocket engines???

  7. #7
    Cathy C

    Re: Formatted and number paragraphs duo of destiny chap two

    Um . . . is this World of Warcraft fan-fic? It seems awfully familiar---especially Kiagra the wizard. If it's not, you should make sure you might want to change his name, because that's the FIRST thing that occurred to me, so it could well be the first thing an agent thinks too.

  8. #8
    Cathy C

    Re: Formatted and number paragraphs duo of destiny chap two

    Let's try that again (part of the post got deleted for some reason

    If it's not, should should make sure you read up on the character so you don't step on any toes, and you might want to change his name, because...


  9. #9
    gulliver h

    Re: Formatted and number paragraphs duo of destiny chap two

    I'm sorry but...is the rest of this written similarly? I'd suggest a lot more reading and craft work, etc. Because this just doesn't work. At all. From the bottom on up.

  10. #10
    Xavier Onassis

    Re: Formatted and number paragraphs duo of destiny chap two

    Hey Alvin

    Do you ever go to the website Flogging the Quill? He teaches a lot of different things that will make your writing much better.


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts