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  1. #31
    mar quesa
    Guest

    Re: Book Opening - Opinions?--Find/Start Crit Group

    Janet,

    As I said before, I find this intro interesting and I really, really hope you don't change too much- this is a memoir not a fictional novel. However, you do need to polish your writing (who doesn't?) so I suggest you start by getting a copy of Sol Stein's On Writing- his advice is the most comprehensive I've ever come across. Let me know what you think.

    Mar



  2. #32
    Patrick Edwards
    Guest

    Re: Book Opening - Opinions?--Find/Start Crit Group

    Janet, I'm looking at the binding of my copy (Sol Stein's Stein On Writing) as I write....

  3. #33
    Gregory White
    Guest

    Re: Book Opening - Opinions?--Find/Start Crit Group

    I think it is a good first draft. Getting the entire story out is the important thing. Later, you can go back and polish, add some more description, tighten up your wording, etc.

    As far as the thing about how many times someone moves? I didn't blink...anything is possible.

  4. #34
    Denise G
    Guest

    Re: Book Opening - Opinions?--Find/Start Crit Group

    As a former member here used to always say, this is my opinion, feel free to ignore.

    I really think you are making a mistake by starting this off in the voice of a high school girl and offering no foreshadowing of the person her husband turned out to really be. Frankly, this passage was boring.

  5. #35
    john palmer
    Guest

    Re: Book Opening - Opinions?--Find/Start Crit Group

    "[title]Love You To Pieces...tall, mysterious, dark haired...the new kid....cross-eyed...large, 64 frame...intimidating...refused to smile...stern expression...looks so unhappy...[people] avoiding him...'Something about him makes me way too nervous'."

    No foreshadowing???

    The author is practically hitting us over the head with it.

    What's interesting is that she's presenting two pictures of the same boy: one, from her fellow students and friends that he's really creepy; and the other, from the MC, that he's just misunderstood.

    Which perception is correct?

    With the title, I know where I would put my money. No fairytale here, no frog prince, just a frog, and I feel a sense of dread as she naively walks into the jaws of hell, the soundtrack cranking out, "Sympathy for the Devil".

  6. #36
    Denise G
    Guest

    Re: Book Opening - Opinions?--Find/Start Crit Group

    I guess I miscommunicated what I meant. (although none of those things you mention necessarily mean that a person will turn out to be abuse, maybe because he's crossed eyed and mad about it, (joking!) many kids that are new are unhappy and self contained. The only real thing that has any foreshadowing is the part about the something making her way too nervous.

    But I meant that I thought it would be more powerful if there were a present day scene first, and this as a flash back, maybe. I'm not sure, it just didn't grab me. But like I said, my opinion only.

  7. #37
    john palmer
    Guest

    Re: Book Opening - Opinions?--Find/Start Crit Group

    Point taken.

    The approach that she has taken could play up the ambiguity more. Starting later and using this as a flashback gives her author lots of opportunity for dramatic irony.

    Either way, she could beef it up.

  8. #38
    john palmer
    Guest

    Re: Book Opening - Opinions?--Find/Start Crit Group

    should be "the" author.

    Can we please, please, pretty please have an "edith" :-) button?

  9. #39
    Janet Ford
    Guest

    Re: Book Opening - Opinions?

    Denise G -

    True to my word, I am open minded and willing to experiment with suggestions. I have just written a potentially more grabbing scene that I could open the book with.

    I'm going to place it in a Book Opening - Opinions? Part 2 thread in the hopes that those who critiqued the first draft could also be sure to re-visit and see this one.

    Be sure to let me know what you think but remember, I wrote this in about 10 minutes and only checked to make sure my spelling and basic grammar were passable.

    I am still a bit confused on how I'd blend this into my current beginning but I'm sure not impossible.

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