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  1. #21
    john palmer
    Guest

    Re: Warning: 18 material: Is this OTT?

    I couldn't get into it. I read three paragraphs and skimmed the rest.

    Typos, comma splices, grammar... It has a real ESL feel.

    And to top it off, the characters seem unreal and the scene without a dramatic point.

    To his amazement, she was standing there stark naked with her chest heaving and a coy smile on her face.

    To me, a heaving chest suggests tht she was pretty nercous about the whole thing, while "coy" suggests the opposite.

    [i]He reached out and cupped both of her breasts and began...Realising that hey were moving too fast and getting carried away too quickly, Tonye pushed him back..."

    What did she expect?

    If you present yourself naked to a member of the opposite sex, the assumption is that you want things to move along at a pretty brisk clip.

    What changed her mind?

    It's totally unprepared.



  2. #22
    Janice W-D
    Guest

    Re: Warning: 18 material: Is this OTT?

    Patrick,

    Glad to have helped a bit.

    Janice

  3. #23
    Patrick Edwards
    Guest

    Re: Warning: 18 material: Is this OTT?

    Just ordered, Janice W-D. And it was only 5.38 total (shipping costs majority)

  4. #24
    Janice W-D
    Guest

    Re: Warning: 18 material: Is this OTT?

    Patrick,
    Probably a second-hand copy (which I buy whenever possible, due to my tight budget). I hope it's the revised and updated version, 2002 copyright, although the original, published 1995, will probably work fine for your purposes.

    The author said 3 things motivated her to issue a new version: "Cyberspace, Monia and AIDS."

    Best,
    Janice

  5. #25
    Janice W-D
    Guest

    Re: Warning: 18 material: Is this OTT?

    LOL, Monica - not Monia.

    Janice

  6. #26
    Patrick Edwards
    Guest

    Re: Warning: 18 material: Is this OTT?

    Yeah, I guess the AIDS thing would change a lot of the writing. I'm assuming how to introduce condoms into any scene is discussed (very difficult to do...unless with teenagers).

  7. #27
    Harper
    Guest

    Re: Warning: 18 material: Is this OTT?

    "Is this OTT?"

    Yes.

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