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  1. #1
    Charlotte Noble
    Guest

    My novel summary (upon request)

    The Mind Is A Sort Of A Homecoming By Charlotte Noble

    When Samantha drives down the storm drenched road, she has the assumtion this day is going to start out bad as she passes the periodically stopping traffic on the highway. As she decides to get a look for herself in curiosity, she then commenses on being stuck between what is seizure induced delusions or the reality of a desolate world ruled by a lone android who has kept the inhabitants of this world frozen for over a thousand years. As the andioid determines to put her in cryostasis along with all the others, Samantha is actually part of a bigger picture than she or the android even knows. Impregnated without consent by the android, Samantha is about to embark upon an exodus over a war torn and nearly dead planet.



  2. #2
    Mya Bell
    Guest

    Re: My novel summary (upon request)

    Ouch.

    One run-on sentence after the other, and too many sentences starting with "as" or "when".

    I don't even understand the first half of the second sentence.


    I think you should break up the thoughts into more accessible pieces and restate that second sentence so it's more clear.

    --- Mya Bell

  3. #3
    Charlotte Noble
    Guest

    Re: My novel summary (upon request)

    Whoops!

  4. #4
    R. Radish
    Guest

    Re: My novel summary (upon request)

    In a previous post in a different thread, R.Radish said:

    >>"Is it just me, or do a lot of recent posts seem like put-on's?"

    This Radish guy might be on to something.

  5. #5
    Harley *
    Guest

    Re: My novel summary (upon request)

    By summary, are you thinking this is the summary part of the query? Or the actual summary of the book? Either way it doesn't work. If you explain what you are using the query for, I expect some people here can advise you on how to write one.

  6. #6
    Charlotte Noble
    Guest

    Re: My novel summary (upon request)

    Yes, it is a summary for a query letter. And I need load of help! I am starting out from scratch to get my novel published and I really want to make my query letter good. Please swamp me with suggestions!

  7. #7
    gulliver h
    Guest

    Re: My novel summary (upon request)

    ok. First make the novel good. Then, a long, long time (many iterations) later, make the query literate...

  8. #8
    Charlotte Noble
    Guest

    Re: My novel summary (upon request)

    I've been working on it for 4 years, and it has evolved three times by ripping out chapters to re-writing a good majority of it....... Maybe I have a hard time with writing summaries since I can't seem to squash all of it into one small paragraph. I'm sure you had a tough time when you were first starting out too.

  9. #9
    C Bets
    Guest

    Re: My novel summary (upon request)

    Mya put it very well in her short-n-sweet way. That about sums it up.

    For instance:

    When Samantha drives down the storm drenched road, she has the assumtion this day is going to start out bad as she passes the periodically stopping traffic on the highway.

    (assumption is spelled incorrectly, for starters)

    A better way of wording this may be:

    As she brings her old Pontiac to an unexpected halt on the storm-drenched highway , Samantha canít help but get the nagging feeling something isnít right up ahead.

    Not great, but can you see the difference?

    C

  10. #10
    Sail Away
    Guest

    Re: My novel summary (upon request)

    Charlotte,

    Have you read your summary out loud? Better yet, have you read your novel out loud? You should. It may help you hear the problems with your sentence structure and cadence.

    Start over with your summary. Keep the sentences simple. Make sure you are saying what you want to say. Then you can rewrite with more complex sentences.

    Now for the content of the summary, are you sure that you want to start with a drive? Go to the library or bookstore and read back jackets. Read movie summaries on the back of DVD boxes. It is so hard to condense your book into a few paragraphs. You are too close to it. You need to step back.

    Recently a poster (I'm sorry, I don't remember who) stated that (s)he concentrated on themes when writing a query letter. I thought that was very good advice. Perhaps that will help you here.

    Good luck and keep trying. Let us see your revised version.

    -SA

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