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  1. #11
    Ann Casey
    Guest

    Re: My long suffering lambs

    Thanks leslee. I promise to deal with my grammatical issues before I trow another into the ring. Blasted nuns had me too frightented to pay attention to the blackboard, when my attention was on the stick in their hands.
    Ann



  2. #12
    C Bets
    Guest

    Re: My long suffering lambs

    "Have tried a new avenue for the first chapter. It's still in rough draft, so I'm not looking for a critique,"

    That's the opening of Ann's post. So, she did say it was a rough draft.


    Yea, jayce - don't be such a schmuck. Next time, do us all a favor and read the entire post before commenting.

    Okay; that was just a little nasty humor making it's debut today. Not real serious, jayce. Don't be mad.

  3. #13
    jayce
    Guest

    Re: My long suffering lambs

    Yes, I did overlook the caveat. My apology.

  4. #14
    Ann Casey
    Guest

    Re: My long suffering lambs

    Not to worry jayce. I appreciate the time you spent looking over the piece. Now that the house is almost clean, will be having a few more go's on the scribbling.
    Ann

  5. #15
    brandyn buchanan
    Guest

    Re: My long suffering lambs

    I don't think your problem is with any sentence/grammatical layout - this opening just isn't very interesting. A play doesn't start with a narrator describing the scenery and characters, and with good reason. The patrons would fall asleep or leave before the third paragraph.

    Maybe instead of telling us where the canned goods are and what a character is eating for dinner tonight, it might be best to try and draw a reader's interest. But hey, first draft and all that.

  6. #16
    Ann Casey
    Guest

    Re: My long suffering lambs

    Posts taken in good heart. The time period is in Pittsburgh, 1957. I am trying to describe without being specific. Back to the drawing board. Not to worry, the story is there and done, have found that the emotional commitment is what I need to do. Ann

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