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Thread: Hello All

  1. #11
    Dawn Prince

    Re: Hello All

    Ah, a name I recognize as you are one of the regular posters. People's interpretations are just that. Gosh, I have read stuff and came away with the idea of people finding salvation or what have you and then it is nothing of the sort. It's all relative, I suppose, but I appreciated the feedback just as I do yours. I suppose if one interprets it in a certain way, it is up to me to go back and see that something isn't throwing my intentions off. Thanks again. I admire your participation in the forum, by the way. This is my first forum discussion and it's alright. Dawn

  2. #12
    C Bets

    Re: Hello All

    My pleasure, Dawn -

    Have just recently started here myself and the critiquing can be brutally honest at times, usually for good reason. However, I agree that so much is at the mercy of pure interpretation and that's why there can be such a wide variety of opinions as to the quality of someone's work. Being so unexperienced as I am, I'm not qualified to oppose anyone's critiquing of a submission, but have to admit I've completey disagreed with someone's assessment at times.

    Anyway, I'm getting thicker skinned every day and I know this is a forum that will, in the end, benefit my cause.

    I've said this before, but I'll say it again just as a head's up; be very, very careful about spelling and grammical errors in your exerpts. It's simply a common position here that errors of those kinds are a waste of everyone's time, including yours, and you'll need to resubmit before someone is really willing to give you the feedback you're looking for.

    Again, welcome and hope to seeing your name in print often!


  3. #13
    Debbi Voisey

    Re: Hello All


    Just wanted to add my "hello" to this thread. I don't have time to critique your piece as yet. But I just wanted to greet you and to say we seem to have cross-posted a couple of times today, and we seem to have the same outlook.

    I look forward to more of your posts, and your input, which will no doubt be valuable.


  4. #14
    jill smith

    Re: Hello All

    Hello all,
    I am sorry if my interpretation seemed blurry. On a personal note, my friend is in ICU and my critiquing is suffering from fatigue, stays in the hospital on a chair for four nights in a row, another trip back to visit her later that night and walking home when the bus stopped running.
    So I will stop for now critiquing for a few days until the crisis is over.

    See ya guys in a few, how about Thursday. Dawn I hope to read some more in a few days and all of the others-take care.

    Jill Smith

  5. #15
    James Armstrong II

    Re: Hello All

    Metaphorically superb! I like it! But what do I know?

    -Aladdin Sarsippius Suleminagic Jackson III

  6. #16
    L Bea

    Re: Hello All

    I'm coming in late to post a critique - I've been enjoying the Holiday.

    I love your opening paragraph. I get the sense that the narrator is longing for her mother - peeling away layers to find her. It's mysterious here - not sure if what she's (assume it's a she) trying to uncover is a portrait or some art form that reminds her of days with her mother. The narrator speaks of her mother in the past tense here.

    Then I was jolted into the present where the mother is downstairs before a white canvas, alive and well (or not so well), trying to create something that symbolizes her life now.

    I think you need to choose which way you're going to go. The first paragraph, though I love it, is misleading and you don't get a sense of what you're about to reveal later. There has to be a way to write it all in the same voice - the first is reminiscent - the rest is in the here and now (or something recent). Perhaps she is longing for her mother as she once was. If that's the case, you should try to make that more clear.

    Nice imagery throughout. I'd put some more in about where the story is going. Sounds like her mother's life has recently fallen apart - give us a little more about that to string us along.

    ~ Bea

  7. #17
    C Bets

    Re: Hello All

    Just my own observation/opinion, but I didn't need any more clarification and didn't find the first paragraph misleading at all. I could really feel the sorrow she was experiencing with every peel of the wallpaper.

    I don't mean to sound arrogant, but at that point it just wasn't important to me if her mother was dead or alive, although it seemed clear that at least her mother's soul was or had been "stolen" in a sense. Revealing it in the next paragraph just tied things up and piqued my interest to find out more.

    I really like your style and the subject matter is intriguing, in my humble opinion.

  8. #18
    Matya Dio

    Re: Hello All

    Nice literary piece.

    I'm not really qualified to offer you a real critique, as I am not a native English speaker...

    ... but....

    fits me well.


  9. #19
    Dawn Prince

    Re: Hello All

    L Bea:

    Thanks for the critique. I suppose only getting the first 4 paragraphs sort of leaves things out of context. Hmmmm. The first paragraph is in the past tense at some points because she is mourning the spiritual loss of her mother, not a physical one as the next paragraph reveals. The mother is alive and well, yes she is downstairs painting the walls of her home and the daughter is upstairs trying to remove wall paper as to reveal her mother who she does not recognize anymore. As C-Bets said, "her soul has been stolen in a sense." Methaphors!!

    I am glad that it is evoking something in the reader. Thank you for taking the time to read it. Dawn

  10. #20
    Dawn Prince

    Re: Hello All

    No problem Jill. Take care. Hope all is well with your friend. Thanks James. I wrote a long piece on your piece and I can't find it anywhere. I read something somewhere about lost posts? Gotta go to bed. Dawn

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