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  1. #1
    Roger Duval
    Guest

    Short story award

    Hi All,

    I recently won a short story competition sponsored by my local library. I have posted the 2,000-word story, "The Key of David," under my writer's profile here on WN. I would appreciate any critique you might offer because I am considering entering this work into some bigger contests and want it to be top shelf stuff. Thanks in advance.

    Roger



  2. #2
    M T
    Guest

    Re: Short story award

    Roger: First of all, congratulations on your win! I read your story and the only thing I could find, that I would suggest changing, was the part where David is thinking 'this guy's been going through my trash' or something like that. I wasn't sure this was a thought until I read it twice. I'm not positive but I think it's correct to put thoughts in italics, I just think there should be something to show that it's a thought.

    The story is great, it's interesting and well written, I can see why you won. When I read the part where the old David says he knew young David's name because it's on his keychain, I thought this might be a mistake -- because how could he read the name while it was being twirled around? But then you made young David thing that very thing, it became part of the mystery. So that's not a mistake either. Sorry I couldn't find more flaws LoL!

  3. #3
    M T
    Guest

    Re: Short story award

    I meant to say ... but then you made young David THINK that very thing. :-)

  4. #4
    Roger Duval
    Guest

    Re: Short story award

    M.T., Thank you for your words of review. In the Microsoft Word version I have internal dialogue italicized, but alas, I am not savvy enough to figure out how to post on WN that way. Some of these guys with the rolling script along the bottom of their posts, etc., amaze me. I think one has to have been born in the 70s or later to have the secrets of modern technology built into their gene pool.

    I appreciate your post, and am glad you enjoyed the story.

    Roger

  5. #5
    Roy Abrahams
    Guest

    Re: Short story award

    Roger......thanks for putting your story up for us to read. It is competently written and a pleasure to read. The only change I would make is in this sentence......"I should have invested my heart <u>into</u> her and..." The underlined word should be simply "in."

    Superior writing! Thanks again for sharing the story.

    Roy

  6. #6
    M T
    Guest

    Re: Short story award

    Hey! I tried so hard to find something and I missed that one!

    Roy -- how do you underline on WN? Do you have some kind of a special power? Iwannadothat! Iwannadothat! (unless I have to do all that html stuff, in that case I'll just continue to wallow in my happy ignorance):>3

  7. #7
    Roy Abrahams
    Guest

    html

    MT......The last thing I want is for you to wallow in anything. So here is the simple trick....

    Say you want to underline the word <u>"wallow."</u> It is easy...type < u > then the the word you want to appear underlined. (Note.....no spaces between the signs and letter "u".) Immediately following the word(s) to be underlined, type < /u >, again, with no spaces.

    The code for italics is the same symbols but with an "I" instead of the "U." And for bold, put in a "B". Try that and see if it works.

  8. #8
    linton lewis
    Guest

    Re: Short story award

    Roger I hate to be stupid but when I put your name in the writers - published slot it come up empty.

    There's one thing I do know. MT is wrong. Thoughts are never set in quotation marks, sometimes italics, and it's best to leave off the thought tag the way one does with dialogue.

    How bout them apples MT?

  9. #9
    Roy Abrahams
    Guest

    Re: Short story award

    Linton.......MT can't be wrong as she did not make it a statement of fact. she said "I'm not positive but I think..." Those apples are called "horse apples."

  10. #10
    Roger Duval
    Guest

    Re: Short story award

    Hi Linton,

    I think I am going to experiment with Roy's HTML lesson here in answering your post. If you just click on my name, <u>Roger Duval</u>, then you will be transferred to the location of my story, The Key of David. Now let's see if this worked.

    Roger

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