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  1. #11
    P B
    Guest

    Re: Critiquer needed... please

    OK...got it...saw the tense 'thing' immediately.


    I'll email



  2. #12
    P B
    Guest

    Re: Critiquer needed... please

    Now it's 230 words. You may want to add a lot more searching for the CROAK to add interest. Send this message & my email to Gran. See what she thinks!

  3. #13
    Brandy
    Guest

    Re: Critiquer needed... please

    P B

    Thanks for looking at it. Can you resend it to me outside of an attachment in email text or something similiar? For some reason my computer won't open the file. Says something about missing wordpad.exe ...

    Also.. how do I email gran?

    Thanks again bunches Brandy

  4. #14
    P B
    Guest

    Re: Critiquer needed... please

    exe?

    Oh, no..PC! I'll cut and paste

  5. #15
    P B
    Guest

    Re: Critiquer needed... please

    Brandy..which tense would you like to keep? )

  6. #16
    Brandy
    Guest

    Re: Critiquer needed... please

    P B

    Great ideas! I think I like the present tense better. I didn't think about starting it out with the frog sounds.
    Question though... is ' Rib-it Croak Rib-it
    the suggested title? or something like it? or is it the first line of the book. If its the first line of the book
    will it not confuse my readers when just a few minutes later it is revealed that charlie woke that morning missing
    his croak?

    Also...how do I send all this wonderful stuff and ideas to Gran )

    Brandy


    ( Think pictures....makes since )

  7. #17
    P B
    Guest

    Re: Critiquer needed... please

    Brandy, it was a quick jab at the title, not the first line. You do need to change the title....think of something quirky/zany.

    Add some clever 'searching for the croak' sentences.

    Ask Gran here how to contact her

    Oh..and try it in past tense, too.

  8. #18
    Brandy
    Guest

    Re: Critiquer needed... please

    Gran

    how do I contact you and send you all this stuff? ;o)

    P B

    Will do. Thanks!

    Brandy

  9. #19
    Beverly Bishop
    Guest

    Re: Critiquer needed... please

    Hello to all of you,
    I am working on a appalachia short stories and poetry book, titled: \"Stone Cart.\"
    I am needing someone to read my manuscript, and, who is willing to give constructive criticism. The stories and poetry speak of settings in a small place called, Plum Creek, Virginia and Floyd County, Virginia. If anyone would be interested in having me to email or postal mail my manuscript, I will be happy to do so. Please post message or contact me at lead2ink@yahoo.com.
    Your response will be welcomed.
    Sincerely,
    Beverly Bishop

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