This will be the first pararaph in my short novel. I tend to favor the second edit? Please feel free to correct to maximize the impact.

CLICK! The threatening repulsive metallic sound of a gun being cocked exploded like a cannon in his mind, setting his world afire, and tearing apart every nerve in his body. The thunderous incursive nightmare errupted in all its demonic madness, rampaging through his wrecked being, driving him into the deepest darkest depths of a dying mind. And then suddenly...silence. Mercifully, the violent event had ended.

Click! the threatening repulsive sound of a gun being cocked exploded like a cannnon in his mind, tearing at every nerve in his body. The demonic nightmare errupted in all its murdering madness, rampaging through his wrecked being, driving him into the darkest screaming depths of his mind. And then...silence.