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  1. #11
    ian kane
    Guest

    Re: Openings. Take your pick.

    Yvonne,

    Just joined the chat - never actually done this kind of thing before. As one of the others messages said - Just dive in there.

    i have no idea what your story is called or what it's about.

    My current project is called the WombMakers and begins:

    "We have been worshipped and gods and feared as monsters we who were created in your image. We will make them all wish they were never born." ... or something like that.

    Any chance you tell me what you think? Need some feedback even if its negative.

    Thanks

    I.



  2. #12
    bob faye
    Guest

    Re: Openings. Take your pick.

    Perhaps you mean:

    'We have been worshipped AS gods'. If not then this is a Bad first sentence!

    Opening sentences are irrelevant taken as themselves. Like judging a book by its cover I read the first few sentences and not just the first.

    Of course a BAD first sentence doesn't help.

    A good meal starts with fine cutlery.

    "In the end the estate agent was found naked, dead and worthless behind a MacDonalds on the corner of Elephant and Vine."

    or

    "In the end the estate agent was found naked, dead and worthless behind the MacDonalds on the corner of Elephant and Vine."


    Bob

  3. #13
    Liz
    Guest

    Re: Bob Faye

    Bob, good opening sentences, but I'm curious. Why did you post two versions with the only difference being a switch from "a" to "the?"

  4. #14
    Yvonne Oots
    Guest

    Re: Picture and others

    Picture, why are you being so bossy..... just get out your little crayons and color pictures of your new puppy..........
    Everyone else: thanks for the help.....I would much prefer writing the meat of the story.... I prefer my openings to be as strong as my closings.....

    Ian; I like your line. and welcome to the board.
    Yvonne

  5. #15
    Picture Book
    Guest

    Re: Picture and others

    Yvonne, send me your fist paragraph, again!

  6. #16
    Yvonne Oots
    Guest

    Re: Picture and others

    Yes Mommy. I will tonight..... heheheheh
    Yvonne

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