Any thoughts on query? |
Author: Derek Wayne (---.wp.shawcable.net)
Date: 07-13-08 12:42
Dear Sir or Madam;
My name is Derek Wayne and I am a lifelong resident of Winnipeg, Manitoba. I have been an avid reader for most of my life, and though I have always enjoyed writing, the attached manuscript is my first attempt at doing so recreationally. I have thoroughly enjoyed writing this story, Falling Deep Awake. I am proud of what I have accomplished—the fulfilment of a life-goal. I am submitting my story to you with the aspiration that you enjoy it also. I hope you find it interesting enough to read through till the end. For me, finding an audience for my storytelling would represent the culmination of yet another life-goal. I appreciate the humouring of my dream.
Bonnie-June Keeper is a wise, old soul. She has seen much despair over the course of her lifetime. She resides in a world where dreadful things lurk in shadows, and where she sometimes can’t bear the reflective light in a mirror. Bonnie-June lives on a street inhabited by things like poverty, substance-abuse, crime and violence. She doesn’t understand these things. She has a lot to learn. Bonnie-June Keeper is nine years old.
Falling Deep Awake is a novel about the smudged facade of the oppressing grown-up world, and how it can be cleansed when viewed through the innocent eyes of a young girl. It is the story of somebody who fears going to sleep because of nightmares that plague her when she closes her eyes. The tale focuses on interconnectivity; the intersecting lives of seven people residing in Winnipeg—the biggest small city on the Canadian prairies—and a plush toy polar bear. Bonnie-June sees this world through her dreams, where the darkness is amplified, and the magical elements of her imagination operate with overwhelming activity. This is a story about childhood, and how it sometimes can become too frightening for young, or sensitive viewers.
No longer able to see past her immediate surroundings, Bonnie-June contemplates things like destiny, and fate. She had always known that the grown-up world was a mysterious one, but as she reaches the end of her ninth year, she uncovers new insecurities about concepts like genetic-predispositions—and the power of gravity.
Falling Deep Awake is the story of Bonnie-June and an ensemble of equally confused individuals discovering what it is they want to be when they grow-up.
• Falling Deep Awake
• Approx 123,600 words
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Re: Any thoughts on query? |
Author: jayce (---.client.mchsi.com)
Date: 07-13-08 13:44
Derek:
First thing, to get feedback on a query, you're better off posting it in the Agents forum--that's where most people go for talk about, well, agents and how to pitch to them.
Second thing, you need to study up on the subject. A query is a business letter; it must follow a certain format (e.g., it must fit on one page), and it should adhere to various rules regarding content, structure, tense, etc. Many sites devoted to agents and querying can be found on the Internet; one of the best is http://www.agentquery.com.
Last comment: As you get into the process of finding an agent, remember this--never pay anyone to edit, represent, or publish your work.
Good luck.
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Re: Any thoughts on query? |
Author: Derek Wayne (---.wp.shawcable.net)
Date: 07-13-08 17:53
Thanks for your concern jayce. I should have been more clear, this is not a "query letter" to be sent to a literary agent, but rather a personal introduction & brief synopsis that is being sent along with my MS to a regional publisher. But, I agree; one must always do their research, and yes I am adhering to the various guidelines that they have requested.
DW
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Re: Any thoughts on query? |
Author: Matt Austin (---.dynamic.mts.net)
Date: 07-14-08 16:05
Hi Derek:
I live in Manitoba too, and used to reside in Winnipeg.
I like your idea and would definitely pick it up if it ever gets published.
Have you tried Coteau Books? A friend of mine had her first book published through them, and she recommended them highly to me.
I'll be looking for an agent soon too for my book. You can see my query post under the literary agents section.
Good luck!
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Re: Any thoughts on query? |
Author: Matt Austin (---.dynamic.mts.net)
Date: 07-14-08 16:07
Me again Derek,
have you considered posting a page of your work in the writing craft section?
I'd love to read a bit!
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Re: Any thoughts on query? |
Author: Derek Wayne (---.wp.shawcable.net)
Date: 07-17-08 00:28
Hey Matt. I don't know if you'll read this, but I'll try anyway. Coteau Books is actually who I am submitting to. I have heard good things and I respect their mission to nurture Canadian writing. Where do you live now in MB?
DW
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Re: Any thoughts on query? |
Author: leslee (---.lsl-la.com)
Date: 07-17-08 11:53
Just my opinion feel free to ignore:
"My name is Derek Wayne and I am a lifelong resident of Winnipeg, Manitoba. I have been an avid reader for most of my life, and though I have always enjoyed writing, the attached manuscript is my first attempt at doing so recreationally. I have thoroughly enjoyed writing this story, Falling Deep Awake. I am proud of what I have accomplished—the fulfilment of a life-goal. I am submitting my story to you with the aspiration that you enjoy it also. I hope you find it interesting enough to read through till the end. For me, finding an audience for my storytelling would represent the culmination of yet another life-goal. I appreciate the humouring of my dream."
Out. All of it. Look how much time you've taken before you begin to talk about your book. Agents read hundreds of Q letters. They don't have time to read your chit-chat about your life and aspirations. Go straight into the storyline before you lose their interest completely.
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Re: Any thoughts on query? |
Author: Debra Storky (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: 07-17-08 13:19
I agree. Get rid of that paragraph.
Also, the description of the book is very vague. For all its prettiness and length, it's very vague and doesn't tell the agent whether there's a plot. We know there's an inpoverished nine-year-old girl and seven other main characters and a toy bear, but that doesn't tell us much. What's the main conflict specifically?
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Re: Any thoughts on query? |
Author: Matt Austin (---.dynamic.mts.net)
Date: 07-17-08 13:49
Derek:
I'm in a little town 180 miles west of Winnipeg, just shy of the Sask border.
Good luck with Coteau!
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Re: Any thoughts on query? |
Author: Joe Zeff (---.lsanca.dsl-w.verizon.net)
Date: 07-17-08 14:28
You need to tighten up the opening line of your query after you remove the personal stuph from the beginning:
"Bonnie-June Keeper is a wise, old soul living in a world where dreadful things lurk in shadows, and where she sometimes can’t bear the reflective light in a mirror."
Still a bit long, but I'm trying not to change the flavour of what you wrote. It's very vivid and evocative, and I'd hate to have to hack it apart just to make it shorter. Short is better than long except when it isn't.
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