Why do men cheat? |
Author: Greg Kosson (---.dsl.mindspring.com)
Date: 05-17-08 20:29
Not much more to my question than that. If you think you know, I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Yes, women do too, but perhaps for different reasons, and maybe- maybe - not as much as men.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Ryan McManigal (---.prod-infinitum.com.mx)
Date: 05-17-08 20:36
Because experiencing new women is fun and exciting or maybe it's the instinctual need to spread the seed.
I think men are less likely to cheat if they have played the field long enough to have a good idea of what is out there and maybe the cultural pressures to get married early detours that from happening thoroughly.
Or a potent combination of all of the above ;)
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Ce Ce (---.clt.bellsouth.net)
Date: 05-17-08 21:08
Or because they like sex.
And variety.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Kitty Foyle (---.dsl.scrm01.sbcglobal.net)
Date: 05-17-08 21:37
Greg, didn't you mean, "Why do some men cheat?" Otherwise, I could say:
Greg is a man.
Men cheat.
Therefore, Greg cheats.
(Of course, here at WN it's hard to know who really is male and who's female -- Greg might very well be a "she.")
To take this even further (and just to be ornery), men cheat at what...checkers? Filling out their income tax reports? I suppose you could also use the word dishonest.
*_*
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Sail Away (---.tampfl.dsl-w.verizon.net)
Date: 05-17-08 22:56
Do you mean cheating on their spouse? If so, I have some thoughts on that...
Men who cheat are cowards. They do not have the strength, the courage, or the character necessary to commit to a relationship.
And I would further postulate that men do not cheat.
It's the little boys who refuse to grow up that cheat.
-SA
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Smiling Curmudgeon (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: 05-17-08 22:56
Kitty,
I don't wanna hear any salacious allegations about men cheating at checkers. I mean, some things are sacred and should be respected.
Doesn't matter what anyone says, wimmen shouldn't be gossipin' 'bout checkers.
Jeez!
:)
cur
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Sail Away (---.tampfl.dsl-w.verizon.net)
Date: 05-17-08 23:06
LOL, Cur.
My grandfather was a whiz at checkers. One of the best gifts he gave us was never intentionally allowing us to win.
Thanks for stirring up that particular memory!
-SA
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Kitty Foyle (---.dsl.scrm01.sbcglobal.net)
Date: 05-17-08 23:10
Don't mean to boast, but many moons ago, I beat every kid on the block at checkers.
And, nope, I didn't cheat!
*_*
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Lily (---.net)
Date: 05-18-08 00:00
It's not *cheating* biologically speaking, just doing what comes naturally. Humans are not monogamous by nature. Males are programmed to f**k anything that moves.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Kitty Foyle (---.dsl.scrm01.sbcglobal.net)
Date: 05-18-08 00:05
:-) Greg, do you cheat?
*_*
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Greg Kosson (---.dsl.mindspring.com)
Date: 05-18-08 01:09
Kitty, no.
But this isn't about me, nor is it about pretending not to quite understand the question.
I'm trying to learn a little more more about people's thoughts and feelings on this volatile subject.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Mya Bell (---.hsd1.wa.comcast.net)
Date: 05-18-08 01:56
Because there's only enough blood to supply one head at a time?
I can't claim to know first-hand why men cheat because I'm not a man and therefore can never have had the experience of being a cheating man, but I know a number of men who cheat and one thing that stands out about them is they all confide to me that no one knows and most of the people around them do know.
--- Mya Bell
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Kick TheNoob (---.socal.res.rr.com)
Date: 05-18-08 04:22
often men cheat for no other reason than boredom
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Xavier Onassis (---.cable.mindspring.com)
Date: 05-18-08 08:42
Or lack of integrity.
XO
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Kate B. (---.hsd1.pa.comcast.net)
Date: 05-18-08 10:35
I’m probably the least qualified person to comment on this topic but…
I think it’s about self-esteem. I think that some men (I’ll even go so far as to say many) equate the ability to seduce a woman with a validation of their manhood. I think women and men don’t communicate effectively on personal things. I wonder if it isn’t easier for men to go out and have an affair than it is for them to say to their wife, “Honey, I don’t feel strong and virile any more. I feel soft and tamed.”
In my brief foray into dating men, they all cheated on me. I’m absolutely sure that I wasn’t feeding something essential in their egos.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Kitty Foyle (---.dsl.scrm01.sbcglobal.net)
Date: 05-18-08 10:52
Okay, Greg, I'll attempt to be serious. I'm sure you've Googled your question, and have no doubt discovered there are several theories as to why men cheat:
http://ezinearticles.com/?Why-Do-Men-Cheat?&id=470333
My opinion? Maybe some men cheat because -- from a reincarnation point of view -- they have certain lessons to learn from the experiences.
They'll get theirs; there's always payback time. Also...hey, this is getting fun!..maybe the cheatEE and the cheatER had agreed ahead of time to play the roles of cad and victim this time around!
We learn from it all, basically -- whether or not we understand the why's.
*_*
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Kitty Foyle (---.dsl.scrm01.sbcglobal.net)
Date: 05-18-08 10:53
Ooh...sorry about the boldness of my statements. :-)
*_*
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Ryan McManigal (---.prod-infinitum.com.mx)
Date: 05-18-08 11:12
Men can cheat to stroke their egos as well. A conquest every once in a while helps a man's ego.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Lewis R (---.range81-158.btcentralplus.com)
Date: 05-18-08 17:27
I am a man.
What I have found is that women cheat as much as men. To claim that one sex is different from the other is wrong.
Believe me, I know.
From hard experience.
Regards.
Lewis.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Wonky (192.250.49.---)
Date: 05-18-08 17:27
OK, so...why do women cheat, then?
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Lewis R (---.range81-158.btcentralplus.com)
Date: 05-18-08 17:33
God knows Wonky.
It is the classic question. How can we understand women?
Then again. Can us guys understand ourselves?
Regards
Lewis.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Lewis R (---.range81-158.btcentralplus.com)
Date: 05-18-08 17:37
When I am going out with a girl on a full time basis. I never cheat.
I can't see the point.
Regards
Lewis.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Mya Bell (---.hsd1.wa.comcast.net)
Date: 05-18-08 17:58
I don't cheat. When I'm with someone on a steady basis, my desire for other people seems to crawl into the background. I may be attracted to people, but I feel no desire to pursue it.
But I was tempted once, very tempted, and spent an evening together with the person to whom I was attracted (he was pursuing me pretty aggressively even though he knew I was in a relationship) and things got a little heated, although I pulled back before anything significant happened.
I found myself analyzing why this time was different from other times. Why did I come so near to cheating on my steady boyfriend? I came to the conclusion that it was because he was treating me badly. I don't say this to try to shift the blame. If I had cheated, the responsibility would have been mine, but it did make me re-evaluate the relationship and I decided to end it. I figured better to get out of something that was borderline abusive than to hurt my partner and compromise my own integrity by cheating behind his back.
It turned out to be a good decision. It also made me aware of my own weaknesses, my own frailties, having come so close to doing something I thought I would never do.
--- Mya Bell
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Mark Phillips (---.col.wideopenwest.com)
Date: 05-18-08 18:49
I think Kate has provided the best answer to this question. That's it in a nutshell for me. I will say I have never cheated in my life. I have been tempted before (there was this one time when I girl in an acting class I was in told me that we could do whatever I wanted and she'd never tell my girlfriend.) but I have never done so. To me, if you're with someone that you care about you don't want to cheat. It's impossible to not be attracted to other people because that's part of human nature, but your brain decides whether you act on those attractions or not.
Men who cheat probably also have poor impulse control.
Mark
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: L Bea (---.bltmmd.fios.verizon.net)
Date: 05-18-08 19:09
I was in a cheating relationship for more years than I'm willing to admit here. What I don't understand is if you want to cheat, if you want to run around and be with other people, then why don't you break it off with who you're with? Why is it so difficult to see the bit picture? Cheat for 30 minutes of "pleasure" and then what?
I don't get it. Lack of character. If you want to run around and not be committed, then don't be.
Bea
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Lewis R (---.range81-158.btcentralplus.com)
Date: 05-18-08 20:08
Ok.
I'm single now.
Lets all have a party and get pregnant.
So what?
If we are single.
I jest only.
My regards
Lewis
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Ryan McManigal (---.prod-infinitum.com.mx)
Date: 05-18-08 20:23
I've cheated. Muaaaahhhhhh
I was seduced by a hottie. Ooops.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: the cat came back (---.cpe.net.cable.roger)
Date: 05-18-08 20:54
I've done a lot of things that I am not proud of, but for some reason, I have never cheated.
I'd like to award myself brownie points for that, but I suspect it may be that it's just too complicated for me.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: L Bea (---.bltmmd.fios.verizon.net)
Date: 05-18-08 22:21
Cat and Ryan bring up an interesting vantage to this subject. They are taking it into personal perspective.
Have I ever cheated? Hmmmmm. What really is cheating? The Bible says that if you lust in your heart toward someone else, you may as well have done the deed. I guess I'm guilty then. Have I ever really physically done something that is considered cheating? No. But then, where is the line? Is talking about intimate things that should be between your partner and you considered cheating? Is feeling intimate with someone other than your partner cheating even if no intercourse was experienced??? Flirting? Saying really "naughty" things to someone? What do you think??
Bea
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Ryan McManigal (---.prod-infinitum.com.mx)
Date: 05-18-08 22:23
I think you're safe Bea. Otherwise I'd be guilty of murder.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Mark Phillips (---.64-250-146.bignet.net)
Date: 05-18-08 22:47
To me, the line is physical. Kissing, petting, stuff like that I call cheating. Talking about intimate things might be cheating, I guess it would depend on the circumstances. For instance, if you're having problems in your marriage and you talk to a friend of the opposite sex for comfort I don't think that would be cheating unless you're doing it to further some kind of relationship with the other person. If you just need comfort and this other can give it then it's no different than if it were another guy.
Mark
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Ryan McManigal (---.prod-infinitum.com.mx)
Date: 05-18-08 22:50
I think kissing or anything more is cheating but simply thinking about is ok. It's kind of hard not to allow that split second thought if I girl is doable or not cross your mind. It is for me anyways.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: L Bea (---.bltmmd.fios.verizon.net)
Date: 05-18-08 22:58
But if you take it oustide of your relationship -- the trouble you're having -- isn't that dangerous? Aren't you treading on shakey ground? You become intimate because she "understands" you. What next? When you go outside your relationship for comfort, I think you're asking for trouble unless you both seek help from a source together. What do you think?
Bea
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Mark Phillips (---.64-250-146.bignet.net)
Date: 05-18-08 23:02
That's possible Bea, I suppose it depends on the person. I've never actually went to another woman for comfort for relationship problems but I have discussed things with my best friend who is a guy. He and I talk about a lot of things and that includes any problems we might be having. It's nice to talk to someone not so emotionally involved and it helps give you perspective.
I can see what you're saying though, and it might get dangerous.
Mark
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Beautiful Loser (---.dllstx.fios.verizon.net)
Date: 05-19-08 08:08
Men who cheat on their girlfriends or spouses do so for a variety of reasons. Intimacy is one. Sexual gratification is yet another. Having worked in the family law field, I've dealt with both [men and women] who cheat on each other. Some actually find cheating on their mate exciting - as though it's a thrill by not getting caught. Yet, many others have stated they cheat because of libido issues.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Beautiful Loser (---.dllstx.fios.verizon.net)
Date: 05-19-08 10:57
Some people in relationships cheat because it provides them with attention; they're bored, lonely, or they lack self-confidence/assurance [insecure people tend to seek out the affection of others to make them feel better].
Others cheat out of spite, revenge, or retaliation because they perceive sexual conquests as a measure of self-worth...they actually believe that the more sex they receive, the more sexy they're likely to appear to others.
Often, when people in relationships lose [mutual] respect or interest in each other, it's usually due to a lack of communication. Even though these same people engage in sexual intercourse, they're not engaging each other in a sensual manner.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: the cat came back (---.cpe.net.cable.roger)
Date: 05-19-08 12:19
"22 percent of men and 14 percent of women admitted to having sexual relations outside their marriage sometime in their past."
http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/infidelitystats.html
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: leslee (---.lsl-la.com)
Date: 05-19-08 13:52
From Moonstruck:
Rose: Why do men chase women?
Johnny: Well, there's a Bible story... God... God took a rib from Adam and made Eve. Now maybe men chase women to get the rib back. When God took the rib, he left a big hole there, where there used to be something. And the women have that. Now maybe, just maybe, a man isn't complete as a man without a woman.
Rose: [frustrated] But why would a man need more than one woman?
Johnny: I don't know. Maybe because he fears death.
[Rose looks up, eyes wide, suspicions confirmed]
Rose: That's it! That's the reason!
Johnny: I don't know...
Rose: No! That's it! Thank you! Thank you for answering my question!
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Beautiful Loser (---.dllstx.fios.verizon.net)
Date: 05-19-08 15:28
Sometimes people cheat for other reasons not mentioned...drugs, financial gains, sexual addictions, etc.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Kitty Foyle (---.dsl.scrm01.sbcglobal.net)
Date: 05-19-08 15:37
I kinda like leslee's post by way of explanation.
Yup...makes sense to me. Men who chase women are skeered of death. Bwahahaha!
*_*
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Xavier Onassis (---.cable.mindspring.com)
Date: 05-19-08 21:56
was in a cheating relationship for more years than I'm willing to admit here. What I don't understand is if you want to cheat, if you want to run around and be with other people, then why don't you break it off with who you're with?
Bea, this was exactly what I thought about Scott and Lacy Peterson. Why kill her? Just file for divorce, sleazeball.
XO
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Ryan McManigal (---.prod-infinitum.com.mx)
Date: 05-19-08 22:03
Scott Peterson must not have been able to use anything past his reptilian brain. "Me backed in corner, me sleaze ball, me must kill."
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Xavier Onassis (---.cable.mindspring.com)
Date: 05-19-08 22:45
Ryan, that's exactly what's wrong with this country. People are so judgmental. I mean, I feel bad for Scott Peterson, I really do. You kill one beautiful pregnant schoolteacher on Christmas and all of a sudden you're the bad guy.
XO
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Beautiful Loser (---.dllstx.fios.verizon.net)
Date: 05-20-08 08:25
Scott Peterson killed his pregnant wife because, as in most abusive relationships, he manipulated her early on in their relationship, by making her believe she was dependent upon him for everything.
Even when he murdered his wife and his unborn child, he was empowered with the sensation of control.
I wish there was such a thing as hell.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Greg Kosson (---.dngr.net)
Date: 05-20-08 10:27
Thanks to all for your thoughts, some of which really made me think and some of which made me smile.
I tend to agree it's irrational and not moral, though let's face it, there are some powerful forces at work-- and many different possible motivating factors.
There are also a few people whose loving partners are medically unable to have much if any sex- I hope the strict moralists at least consider that not everyone's situation is the same, instead of seeing everything as an excuse. Or is anything an excuse?
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Beautiful Loser (---.dllstx.fios.verizon.net)
Date: 05-20-08 10:31
Greg,
When listening to a married man talk about his lack of sex with his wife, I asked him this question:
If your wife was disabled, incapacitated, or could not have sex with you, would you cheat on her? He responded that even though he loved her immensely, he would seek out sex from another/other women.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Liza B. (---.c3-0.avec-ubr15.nyr-avec.ny.cable.)
Date: 05-20-08 10:49
There are a few classic pick-up lies, er, lines that married men use that in most cases turn out to be bogus: "My wife doesn't understand me" and "We never have sex anymore."
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Mya Bell (---.hsd1.or.comcast.net)
Date: 05-20-08 12:06
I've been approached by many married men and quite a few have used those exact lines, Liza! Some of them had bad marriages and some of them had wonderful wives and perfectly good sex lives from what I had heard from the women in their circle, so it didn't seem to be based on whether their relationships were bad or good but on the basic character of the person looking to cheat.
I've only once been involved with a married man (I was single at the time) and I didn't know he was married (he carefully avoided mentioning it) until after I had fallen for him. He and his wife ended up separating but I wasn't interested in pursuing the relationship after that because I didn't feel I could trust him.
--- Mya Bell
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Mya Bell (---.hsd1.or.comcast.net)
Date: 05-20-08 12:11
Here's a related question.
If I'm with someone on a steady basis, I don't consider myself single. In fact, even if I'm just dating someone in a semi-regular fashion, I don't consider myself single, but I noticed in university that without the ring, many guys figured I was "free game" even if I told them I had a boyfriend. In fact, some of them even seemed to delight in trying to steal me away from my boyfriend.
So ...
is it only cheating if you are married, or is it cheating if you're going steady?
To me the answer seems simple. To me it's cheating because it appears to cause as much emotional pain to the partner as if you were married, but I've met people who think otherwise and I wonder what people think here.
--- Mya Bell
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Beautiful Loser (---.dllstx.fios.verizon.net)
Date: 05-20-08 12:21
My daughter is in a relationship just like what you describe above, Mya. He hasn't given her a ring just yet, but they're both hit upon by those of the opposite sex when they're together, and when they're apart from each other.
Both my daughter and her boyfriend said that even though they're not married, if either of them had sexual relations with another person, such acts constitute cheating, regardless of marital status.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: L Bea (---.mclnva23.covad.net)
Date: 05-20-08 13:21
Commitment is commitment. I agree that Mya's scenario would be cheating.
I have a ring and that doesn't seem to matter; it doesn't prevent me from getting hit on. Some people don't seem to have boundaries or limitations. I'm not sure why someone would try when there's a ring.
I had a one night stand with someone once and I found out later he was married. I felt sick to my stomach for days. Dirty.
I'll go one further:
What IS cheating?
Flirting? Fondling? Fellatio? Fvcking?
Where's the line?
Bea
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Beautiful Loser (---.dllstx.fios.verizon.net)
Date: 05-20-08 13:28
Good points, Bea.
My husband doesn't wear his rings and occasionally gets hit on by single and married women.
I wear my rings and get hit on, occasionally, by married and single men.
We're both huge flirts, but we don't commit any of the other "F" words you speak of with others.
Same for my daughter and her new beau. Even though they're not married, don't wear rings, they're flirtatious, but neither or them have committed the terrible "Fs" with anybody outside of their circle of love. Ain't puppy love sweet. Yuck! ;-D
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Patrick Edwards (63.240.53.---)
Date: 05-20-08 16:28
Hello, all :)
I didn't get a chance to read through your responses, so I apologize for probably reiterating what's been said a thousand times, which is that we cheat because sex-- feels good and I'm not so sure we're meant to be with one woman.
I mean, look at the mini-skirts and the ever-classic booty-shorts (I think some refer to them as boy-shorts; not sure how I feel about that name, but...). You women are absolutely stunning and it doesn't make sense that we're to only enjoy one woman. Especially if they're not as willing as we are (or, rather, as much). Now, if a partnership is what a man is looking for, then one woman is easily more than enough. Especially you all get even more beautiful as you age. And wiser.
P.S. You can only so long just visualize being with that cashier or the random woman on the street, before you want to attempt a relationship...even if for only one night.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: L Bea (---.mclnva23.covad.net)
Date: 05-20-08 16:34
Patrick,
So you and others that feel that way should not be in a committed relationship then. It's that simple. If you don't want to be monogamous, then don't be!! But if you commit to someone, then be true. Don't be a cheater.
Bea
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Patrick Edwards (63.240.53.---)
Date: 05-20-08 16:38
I'll go one further:
What IS cheating?
Flirting? Fondling? Fellatio? Fvcking?
Where's the line?
Bea, if I had to definite cheating, I'd have to say it's the action (not looking and visualizing) of the sexual act. Meaning if you do anything that causes the other person to recognize you want to have sex with him/her. AND you don't mention it to your spouse. That's key.
So, if you flirt with the opposite sex and don't do that when your wife/husband/mate is around, then you're cheating, IMO.
If the two of you have an open relationship and you receive oral, then that's not cheating.
If the two of you are swingers and you are having sex with a woman in front of your wife, that's not cheating. (Assuming, of course, your wife isn't beating you about the head with an iron.)
But if you have sex with a woman without your wife's consent beforehand, then you are cheating. Doesn't matter if you tell her after the fact, because before and during the act (as well as the time after), your wife wasn't aware.
The key to it all, I believe, is for the parties to get everything out in the open once a committed relationship has been spoken of and agreed upon...at the same time...and neither drunk/high. Discuss what cheating is to you and what should be tolerated. One can't be a priest and the other Madonna (the singer).
Huh?
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Simon Says (---.socal.res.rr.com)
Date: 05-20-08 16:41
I have never cheated, but I have been the "other woman." And I never thought I'd get involved with someone who was involved. And I knew he was engaged when I met him. And I went there anyway. And it was exciting and it was awful, and I felt like @!#$ and I never felt better. And he felt like @!#$ but he couldn't stay away.
And the repercussions were awful. His fiancee found out and the wedding was called off less than a month before the wedding date. and friendships were ruined because the fiancee blamed a mutual friend who introduced me to the groom and knew about the affair. We had an on and off again relationship for the next few years, but it could never really work because I could never totally trust him - he cheated on his fiancee, after all.
And at this point in my life I like to think I'd never do it again, I can't say I'm a hundred percent sure. Although I'm more than 100% sure that I would never cheat on someone I was committed to.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Patrick Edwards (63.240.53.---)
Date: 05-20-08 17:16
Simon Says, I've done it multiple myself (been the other man) and can honestly say that the thing that bothered me the most (besides the obvious disrespecting of the "other" man...though it's more her disrespecting their relationship than anyone disrespecting him--huh?!)...uhm, what was I saying...Oh, yeah! The thing that bothered me the most was how she would get jealous of me being with other women. I understood it; I mean, we can try to be (or not to be) something, but human nature always takes over.
But, still.
It felt (and was) childish, but sometimes I'd purposely make her jealous...because I was jealous of her going home and possibly sleeping with this other man. Even though I did not want her in that sorta relationship she had at her home. Weird...
And, yeah, L Bea, I do agree that one should not get into a commitment--regardless of pressure--if one's not ready to, at the very least, give monogamy his/her all. At least with the mate who requests it.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Denise G (---.dsl.rcsntx.swbell.net)
Date: 05-22-08 00:23
Why do men cheat? Because they can't help it, it's the dog in them.
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Re: Why do men cheat? |
Author: Patrick Edwards (63.240.53.---)
Date: 05-27-08 12:56
So it should be okay then, right? We should be given a lifetime of free passes....
:)
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