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Re: d. Leroy (offensive content and subject matter)
Author: Anthony Ravenscroft (---.240.240.209.modem.dynamic.cptelecom.net)
Date:   05-15-08 23:41

I didn't need to get past the first two sentences to know it's probably overwriten:

in order to

the use of

The first graf is almost all backstory, the sort of notes that're great for the writer to have, but unnecessary filler when you're trying to grab & hold a reader's attention.

Too many commas (by about 50%).

Too many exclamation points.

Too many attribution tags.
 Newer Topic  |  Older Topic

 Topics Author  Date
 d. Leroy (offensive content and subject matter)  new
Michael Scott 05-15-08 12:10 
 Re: d. Leroy (offensive content and subject matter)  new
L Bea 05-15-08 20:32 
 Re: d. Leroy (offensive content and subject matter)  new
Michael Scott 05-16-08 02:18 
 Re: d. Leroy (offensive content and subject matter)  new
Anthony Ravenscroft 05-15-08 23:41 
 Re: d. Leroy (offensive content and subject matter)  new
d. Leroy 05-16-08 01:39 
 Re: d. Leroy (offensive content and subject matter)  new
A.L. Sirois 05-16-08 09:37 
 Re: d. Leroy (offensive content and subject matter)  new
Michael Scott 05-16-08 10:03 
 Re: d. Leroy (offensive content and subject matter)  new
stevenlabri 05-17-08 01:55 


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