Author: Marc Johnson
Date:   12-07-03 20:33

After revising my manuscript for the millionth time, there's something still nagging at me. My story is told in first person and when he refers to his mom or dad is it necessary to use my [mom/dad]? I find this to be really repetitive but it sounds weird to say, "Mom walked up and hugged me," instead of "My Mom walked up..." Thanx for your help.

-Marc
The Passage of Hellsfire
http://www.hellsfire.net

Author: Roy Abrahams
Date:   12-07-03 22:21

Marc......Although you quote from Robert Heinlein's rules for writing - "You must refrain from rewriting, except to editorial order - you should really consider starting on the millionth and first revision. As the prologue stands, there are enough cliches and other distracting deficiencies to preclude your story from going anywhere beyond your website. Spend the requisite time in study so you can find all the problems.

Author: Marc Johnson
Date:   12-08-03 02:46

Although that had nothing to do with my question, I know that I need to revise again. What's on my site is a semi old draft. I've been working on this for eight years so I've learned some patience. What I really need is an answer to my question but I appreciate your feedback, nevertheless.

Author: Granny
Date:   12-08-03 06:21

Since I haven't read your work, I'll just say that it is perfectly okay to have a first person narrator who says "my mom" instead of "Mom." However, remember, when you put the possessive in front of the kinship word, you will no longer use a capital.

"I wonder how Mom survived our teen years."
"I wonder how my mom survived our teen years."

Both are correct and equally effective. Use the one that your character would use.

Gran

Author: Marc Johnson
Date:   12-08-03 11:20

D'oh! I asked the wrong question. Damn lack of sleep. Thanx Granny but I should have asked, or thought I did, about sentence tags. Which is better to use? "blah, blah, blah," my Mom said or "blah, blah, blah," Mom said. Back to X-Mas shopping.

Author: Kaz
Date:   12-08-03 13:32

Even with dialogue tags, Granny's response applies; my mom said, or Mom said. IMHO 'Mom said' sounds better.

Author: Granny
Date:   12-08-03 15:21

Again, you would have to ask yourself which "sounds" more like the character as you imagine him. I have used either one depending upon the character.

I always remember the fine things my mom said.
I always remember the fine things Mom said.

"Be sure to change your underwear," my mom said. "You could be in an accident."

"Be sure to change your underwear," Mom said. "You could be in an accident."

It's probably okay to trust your ear on this particular issue.

Gran

Author: Marc Johnson
Date:   12-08-03 19:02

Thanx guys. My Mom does sound better to the ear but damn it if doesn't get annoying. It's either my Mom did this or that or she. Well, it's up to me but I appreciate the opinions.

Author: Gary Kessler
Date:   12-08-03 19:12

You seem not to have absorbed Gran's point, though. It's lower case "my mom" (indefinite) and upper case "Mom" (direct substitute for a name).

Author: Marc Johnson
Date:   12-09-03 01:29

Good point, Gary. When I read things on the screen my eyes just glaze over. No wonder e-publishing isn't as big. The stats are right for we read 25% slower, which is why I glaze over stuff. That, and I need a flat screen. My eyes!