Author: Matthew Goodman
Date:   02-07-10 18:16

Hello Everyone! I am going through some kind of identity crisis and I am looking to my writing to stay my emotional pendulum. The problem is I keep drifting back and forth from believing I have what it takes to be a writer to seeing myself as a hack. I thought the opinions of strangers might set me right. I know it is hard to give solid critique based on a short poem, but anything offered in the way of honest feedback would be greatly appreciated.


One by one she heaves them ashore,
leaving them to burst and slowly melt back into her furious embrace
and with milky tongues they draw their last breaths again, and again
her breath smells of salt, and
the cadence of her sweet lullaby soothing in its familiarity
for me, there was no beginning
there will be no end
I am here only now
I am man
and she is my mother

Author: Raven Nights
Date:   02-07-10 18:35

Hi Matthew,

Firstly, poetry can be difficult to critique.
The above looks like it has a way to go but there is feeling and emotion so its also a good start.

Secondly writing poetry when you are in a "kind of identity crisis and I am looking to my writing to stay my emotional pendulum" -is a very healthy way of addressing personal issues. I did this when I was ill and again on several occasions when under emotional stress.

I once read a famous poet (Can’t recall who it was but may have been Hemmingway) spent an entire day revising one of his poems. In the end, he added a comma as his revision. The very next morning he removed the comma.

My point is, just write, write and then write some more.
Some poems will be great, others good and others not so, but if they help you through a time then you are already ahead.

When you have enough written, try entering some poetry comps, join a poetry group to meet other writers and NEVER forget the value of reading!

Good luck.
Raven

Author: Matthew Goodman
Date:   02-08-10 18:05

Thanks for your advice! I know I have a long way to go and I guess that is why I feel I'm at a crossroads. I guess we never really know for sure, so I'll just keep writing.

Author: sam albion
Date:   02-08-10 18:16

yes, talk about it! some days, I think I'm great, I imagine my book selling... other days, I look at it, and think its rubbish...

when I started writing this, my finally finished book, I just wanted to write a story- entertain myself. Then I wondered if I could turn it into a novel. I've wrestled with it, and a whole heap of doubts ever since. At least three times I thought I'd finished, only to realise the story had holes you could drive buses through, or character A, a central character, featured little...

my opinion..?

... you'll never believe you're a "proper, authentic writer" until you're first novel is in print... and even then... then the critics will come, and they will slate you, your favourite passages mocked in newspapers... and then; the fans, the earnest fans who want to tell you how great it was, but, they would've liked it better if Character X was ginger, and died in chapter 4, and the hero was instead Character Y...

...no wonder so many writers become recluses...

Author: Matthew Goodman
Date:   02-08-10 18:29

Haha! You hit it right on the head! I am really doubting myself and my abilities. But writing is what I love and I want to make it a priority in my life even if the whole world thinks my words are rubbish. Thanks for the encouragement, it helps.

Author: John Oberon
Date:   02-09-10 11:40

Well, here's the meaning I THINK you're trying to convey: the seas are our mother. Life spawned in the oceans, then through evolution eventually developed into man. Men die and are buried and eventually end up back in the sea through the natural processes of the earth. Evolution is a continuous and extremely long process that appears to have no beginning and no end, and man is a pinpoint in time, and will soon evolve into something else on the inexorable road of evolution, but he exists now.

Is that what you're trying to say? Because I cannot think of any other meaning for it. If that wasn't your meaning, then I have no clue what you're trying to say, and as far as meaning, your poem sucks.

If that WAS your basic meaning, then I think it's pretty nice language, not bad at all. However, both man and evolution did have a definite beginning, and if we are to believe evolution, man will have an end. I'm not one for nihilism, so if that was the poem's meaning, I disagree philosophically. I don't think we just "happened" and I've never agreed with or even liked the parental metaphor for nature or any part of nature. If the seas or earth is our mother, than it is a darn cruel and merciless one.

Author: John Oberon
Date:   02-09-10 12:07

Also, I think the poem would improve with some punctuation.

Author: PennMom Asks
Date:   02-09-10 14:22

Sam,

It's so reassuring to know that other writers have the same feelings. I'm plagued with major doubts when I run into a sentence so poorly constructed I gag and think, "I am such a hack!" Then another time I run into something I wrote that makes me wonder if I could've written such a thing because it's too good. I think that's what drives some writers to drink. That's my theory anyway.

I entertain myself with my writing. It's fun and it's free. I'm my worst critic and biggest fan all rolled into one.

Author: Kitty Foyle
Date:   02-10-10 12:50

Says sam: "... then the critics will come, and they will slate you, your favourite passages mocked in newspapers..."

I read a recent book review in Entertainment Weekly where they graded the novel with an F.

How humiliating is that? I felt so sorry for the author, a female. She had put so much work into it, etc.

(Well, at least they didn't give it an F minus.)

*_*

Author: Patrick Edwards
Date:   02-10-10 13:35

Matthew, though I rarely "enjoy" poems, I must say that I enjoyed your piece. With the punctuation you did use, I felt the cadence helped lift and carry me through to the piece's [physical] end.

That said, others have given you some in-depth criticism that would be some help to you. As I'm a surface poem reader, I think what they give you might give you more with which to work off.

Good luck