Author: Greg Kosson
Date:   11-02-09 22:11

I'd start from scratch with this. What is this book about, and what makes it interesting to a reader?

Assuming your reader will be familiar with "Hoosiers" may be a mistake.

Your familiarity with the topic seems to trample the reader's unfamiliarity with it.

Write it for someone like Cindy, who may know nothing about basketball. Make her care.

I suggest limiting your use of commas. Write in short sentences. Every time you use a comma you're asking the reader to remember something.

It could be a good premise for a book but it's hard to tell without a clear description.